Rachel Casey (00:00:05):
Welcome to Sober Banter.
Colin Casey (00:00:07):
Hi, welcome to Sober Banter.
Colin Casey (00:00:09):
Oh, I'm Colin.
Rachel Casey (00:00:10):
I'm Rachel.
Rachel Casey (00:00:12):
And we have two guests with us today.
Rachel Casey (00:00:14):
Who wants to go first?
Rachel Casey (00:00:15):
We have Janice.
Rachel Casey (00:00:20):
I'm Janice.
Rachel Casey (00:00:21):
I am a recovering alcoholic and I am here with my daughter today.
Rachel Casey (00:00:28):
And the daughter is Katie.
Rachel Casey (00:00:29):
Hey, I'm Katie.
Rachel Casey (00:00:32):
Yes, I'm Katie.
Rachel Casey (00:00:35):
Just Janice's daughter.
Rachel Casey (00:00:36):
I mean, that's a fine title.
Rachel Casey (00:00:42):
It's cool because it's just a different perspective of someone who doesn't identify
Rachel Casey (00:00:48):
as alcoholic but has someone in their family with,
Rachel Casey (00:00:54):
you know,
Rachel Casey (00:00:54):
who's in recovery.
Rachel Casey (00:00:55):
Yeah.
Colin Casey (00:00:56):
And been through it.
Rachel Casey (00:00:58):
See, I was very, so my sister does not identify as alcoholic either.
Rachel Casey (00:01:03):
And she was in the house with my mom the last two years.
Colin Casey (00:01:07):
So she really saw the change and transition because yeah,
Colin Casey (00:01:11):
she was living because you were already out of the house.
Rachel Casey (00:01:14):
And I was mad.
Rachel Casey (00:01:16):
I was mad when my mom got sober because it was the year I was turning 21 of legal age to drink.
Rachel Casey (00:01:24):
And not only that, but my dad was like,
Rachel Casey (00:01:27):
far worse and i really felt she was trying to steal the spotlight like they had
Rachel Casey (00:01:32):
been divorced since i was 13 but it was a very bad divorce um and my dad really has
Rachel Casey (00:01:40):
never recovered from the divorce i was like you're not the one who needs help dad
Rachel Casey (00:01:45):
is you know like how dare you and i mean looking back i that was something i made
Rachel Casey (00:01:49):
an amend for but
Rachel Casey (00:01:51):
Yeah, I wasn't happy when my mom got sober.
Rachel Casey (00:01:55):
And I've learned in recovery, not everyone is happy when you get sober.
Rachel Casey (00:01:59):
Yeah, I relate to that statement a lot.
Rachel Casey (00:02:03):
Yeah,
Rachel Casey (00:02:04):
it's just the time like going through my mom's like,
Rachel Casey (00:02:08):
rock bottom and everything with her like we were happy for her to get sober,
Rachel Casey (00:02:12):
but that
Rachel Casey (00:02:14):
especially that first year of sobriety,
Rachel Casey (00:02:16):
even until like her second year of sobriety,
Rachel Casey (00:02:18):
it was just,
Rachel Casey (00:02:18):
there was so much awkwardness and it was like,
Rachel Casey (00:02:21):
it was,
Rachel Casey (00:02:22):
it is all about the recovering addict and keeping them sober.
Rachel Casey (00:02:28):
And like,
Rachel Casey (00:02:30):
It's a very important part of the recovery journey, but it does.
Rachel Casey (00:02:35):
It seems very selfish and very self-involved.
Rachel Casey (00:02:38):
So I relate to that a lot.
Rachel Casey (00:02:39):
For sure.
Rachel Casey (00:02:41):
I remember like hide all the alcohol.
Rachel Casey (00:02:43):
Like my mom's coming over.
Rachel Casey (00:02:44):
Like I thought like it was going to be a trigger or some sort.
Rachel Casey (00:02:48):
And I mean, now as someone who's sober, like I know.
Rachel Casey (00:02:51):
it's not a trigger but i would be like guys my mom's coming don't talk about
Colin Casey (00:02:56):
drinking don't have any you know i remember one time we said to your mom we're
Colin Casey (00:03:01):
doing sober october and we'd already caved by the first weekend and we bought a
Colin Casey (00:03:06):
house in the same neighborhood as her mom so her mom just randomly stopped by and
Colin Casey (00:03:12):
we're like oh throw everything in the drawer quick we're still sober october so bad
Rachel Casey (00:03:20):
But you probably have some interesting insight in trying to get sober with a sober parent.
Rachel Casey (00:03:27):
So none of my kids are alcoholics or addicts.
Rachel Casey (00:03:33):
But I really fear because I believe in the genetic link that,
Rachel Casey (00:03:37):
you know,
Rachel Casey (00:03:38):
I came from two alcoholic parents.
Rachel Casey (00:03:41):
I think I was probably destined once you put enough alcohol in,
Rachel Casey (00:03:47):
I feel like you tip the scales and that's what happened to me.
Rachel Casey (00:03:50):
So I think I'm a little nervous, neurotic might be appropriate about my children.
Rachel Casey (00:04:01):
And I,
Rachel Casey (00:04:02):
remind them all the time.
Rachel Casey (00:04:03):
I don't know if I do it too much.
Rachel Casey (00:04:06):
Call my mom.
Rachel Casey (00:04:07):
There were times when like,
Rachel Casey (00:04:09):
if I were really drunk and I remember calling being like,
Rachel Casey (00:04:14):
how do I avoid becoming an alcoholic?
Rachel Casey (00:04:18):
Like, you know, is it, is there a point where you can, you know, skip the disease?
Rachel Casey (00:04:25):
And I don't even, I don't remember what she said, but at the time I
Rachel Casey (00:04:30):
I was looking for insight on to make sure I didn't end up having a problem with
Rachel Casey (00:04:34):
alcohol because I loved it.
Janice J Dowd (00:04:36):
Yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:04:39):
Yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:04:39):
Well, and I know from my experience too, because I,
Rachel Casey (00:04:43):
I grew up in alcoholic home.
Rachel Casey (00:04:44):
I was always aware of my drinking.
Rachel Casey (00:04:46):
And early on, I think I had other addictive behaviors like running and swimming and stuff like that.
Rachel Casey (00:04:53):
So that I didn't start drinking until I was 40.
Rachel Casey (00:04:57):
And because I didn't, well, I drank socially.
Rachel Casey (00:04:59):
I drank like normal people for 20 years.
Rachel Casey (00:05:02):
But in my 40s, I was in total denial because I had
Rachel Casey (00:05:06):
drink pretty much like everyone else.
Rachel Casey (00:05:08):
And so it crept up on me.
Rachel Casey (00:05:10):
And,
Rachel Casey (00:05:10):
um,
Rachel Casey (00:05:11):
at some point I feel like I went from,
Rachel Casey (00:05:13):
you know,
Rachel Casey (00:05:15):
social drinker to alcoholic and it's hard to say exactly when,
Rachel Casey (00:05:19):
but I did,
Rachel Casey (00:05:20):
uh,
Rachel Casey (00:05:20):
at the point I was trying to get us for during that time,
Rachel Casey (00:05:23):
I tried so hard to moderate my drinking,
Rachel Casey (00:05:26):
to try and fix myself in every way other than giving up alcohol.
Rachel Casey (00:05:33):
Same.
Rachel Casey (00:05:33):
So yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:05:35):
Yeah, that was the only thing I didn't give up.
Rachel Casey (00:05:38):
But I think a lot of what the other stuff, the other problems lead to codependency on alcohol.
Rachel Casey (00:05:46):
And I think that that's something that's fixing those other things is important.
Rachel Casey (00:05:51):
And that's one thing that like,
Rachel Casey (00:05:52):
even though,
Rachel Casey (00:05:53):
like,
Rachel Casey (00:05:54):
I'm sure my mom does worry,
Rachel Casey (00:05:55):
like it's genetics,
Rachel Casey (00:05:56):
it's whatever,
Rachel Casey (00:05:57):
like,
Rachel Casey (00:05:58):
it's something that like,
Rachel Casey (00:06:00):
she wants us all to keep an eye on.
Rachel Casey (00:06:01):
Um,
Rachel Casey (00:06:04):
to avoid that from happening to any of us.
Rachel Casey (00:06:06):
But I think that taking care of our mental health,
Rachel Casey (00:06:10):
doing things like going to therapy,
Rachel Casey (00:06:13):
and having like good balance throughout the rest of our lives is something that you
Rachel Casey (00:06:17):
also stress as important for all of us.
Rachel Casey (00:06:22):
So did you start doing like, did you get your degree before or after sobriety?
Rachel Casey (00:06:29):
I got it before.
Rachel Casey (00:06:31):
And here's two points I want to make.
Rachel Casey (00:06:34):
This shows how insidious the disease is and how important it is to take care of yourself.
Rachel Casey (00:06:40):
But I grew up in the alcoholic home,
Rachel Casey (00:06:42):
decided early on I wasn't going to become an alcoholic or have problems.
Rachel Casey (00:06:46):
And I was automatically drawn to social work, helping people.
Rachel Casey (00:06:51):
Because, you know, they say you grew up in a dysfunctional home.
Rachel Casey (00:06:53):
You either...
Rachel Casey (00:06:54):
or alcoholic home.
Rachel Casey (00:06:55):
You become an alcoholic, you marry one or you go into the helping field.
Rachel Casey (00:06:59):
So I like to say when I became a social worker and then and my passion was working
Rachel Casey (00:07:06):
with adolescents and families who were afflicted by addiction.
Rachel Casey (00:07:10):
So I started off like the first 10 years of my career working in the addiction field, which
Rachel Casey (00:07:17):
When I was struggling with my own drinking,
Rachel Casey (00:07:20):
I had this huge amount of guilt and shame over,
Rachel Casey (00:07:23):
you know,
Rachel Casey (00:07:23):
and that really worked against me because I could fuel all of the denial and things
Rachel Casey (00:07:29):
like that.
Rachel Casey (00:07:30):
You know, I mean, it could be like, yeah, because, well, I haven't had a DUI, so I'm not an alcoholic.
Rachel Casey (00:07:35):
I haven't lost my kids.
Rachel Casey (00:07:37):
I haven't physically abused my kids.
Rachel Casey (00:07:39):
All those things kind of fueled my denial, made it harder.
Rachel Casey (00:07:43):
I have to say that.
Rachel Casey (00:07:44):
So I worked in that field for a while.
Rachel Casey (00:07:45):
And then when I got married and had kids, part of that time I was a stay-at-home mom.
Rachel Casey (00:07:50):
Part of that time I worked in the school system a little bit with Catholic Social Services.
Rachel Casey (00:07:55):
So I did different types of social work.
Rachel Casey (00:07:57):
And then after I got sober,
Rachel Casey (00:07:59):
went through the experience with my family where I hurt my kids almost as much in
Rachel Casey (00:08:05):
early sorority as I did in active addiction.
Rachel Casey (00:08:07):
Then I...
Rachel Casey (00:08:09):
got back into my passion for addiction.
Rachel Casey (00:08:12):
And it kind of grew naturally because once I kind of had a plan and tools on how to
Rachel Casey (00:08:20):
help other people repair relationships,
Rachel Casey (00:08:22):
I started talking about it at meetings and going to speaker meetings.
Rachel Casey (00:08:26):
And people kept saying to me, and my therapist too was like, you should put this in a book.
Rachel Casey (00:08:31):
You've always said you wanted to write a book.
Rachel Casey (00:08:32):
So it just kind of evolved naturally.
Rachel Casey (00:08:35):
And then I want to go back to when Katie introduced herself,
Rachel Casey (00:08:40):
So Katie and my relationship has been a great demonstration of how you can go from horrible to amazing.
Rachel Casey (00:08:49):
She currently is, she's not just my daughter.
Rachel Casey (00:08:52):
She's also like my technical advisor, my social media manager, everything.
Rachel Casey (00:08:57):
She helps me so much.
Rachel Casey (00:08:59):
And she's also in a sense, cause I still get, I mean, I still struggle with insecurities.
Rachel Casey (00:09:05):
I mean, writing a book,
Rachel Casey (00:09:08):
and asking,
Rachel Casey (00:09:08):
you know,
Rachel Casey (00:09:10):
people seeking an agent,
Rachel Casey (00:09:12):
all of that stuff,
Rachel Casey (00:09:13):
you get a tremendous amount of rejection.
Rachel Casey (00:09:16):
And,
Rachel Casey (00:09:17):
um,
Rachel Casey (00:09:18):
all of my kids have been supportive,
Rachel Casey (00:09:19):
but Katie in particular has always been go for it,
Rachel Casey (00:09:22):
go for it,
Rachel Casey (00:09:22):
go for it.
Rachel Casey (00:09:23):
You can do this.
Rachel Casey (00:09:24):
I love what you do.
Rachel Casey (00:09:25):
And that has just been meant so much to me.
Rachel Casey (00:09:28):
Awesome.
Rachel Casey (00:09:29):
That is so cool.
Rachel Casey (00:09:30):
Cause that's, I mean, it's hard, uh,
Colin Casey (00:09:33):
Well,
Colin Casey (00:09:33):
I mean,
Colin Casey (00:09:34):
even we've kind of dealt with recently the imposter syndrome that you kind of feel
Colin Casey (00:09:39):
sometimes and just getting the idea of starting this podcast and wanting to just share,
Colin Casey (00:09:45):
you know,
Colin Casey (00:09:46):
we kind of just say,
Colin Casey (00:09:48):
It's a sober couple just kind of going through life and our observations of things
Colin Casey (00:09:54):
and just wanting to get other people.
Colin Casey (00:09:56):
Because everyone's different.
Colin Casey (00:09:57):
Everyone's sobriety is different.
Colin Casey (00:09:58):
How they all attack it is different.
Colin Casey (00:10:01):
We don't think there's any wrong way to necessarily do it.
Colin Casey (00:10:04):
But yeah, it's that you need someone in your corner.
Colin Casey (00:10:07):
Like you said, your daughter was just like, yeah, do it.
Colin Casey (00:10:09):
Go do it.
Colin Casey (00:10:10):
Go for it.
Colin Casey (00:10:10):
Go for it.
Colin Casey (00:10:11):
And don't worry about the rejection.
Colin Casey (00:10:13):
Or even when you feel like you're an imposter,
Colin Casey (00:10:16):
like,
Colin Casey (00:10:16):
oh,
Colin Casey (00:10:17):
wow,
Colin Casey (00:10:17):
we're getting a lot of people,
Colin Casey (00:10:18):
but we don't know what we're doing.
Colin Casey (00:10:19):
Like, this is our second interview.
Colin Casey (00:10:21):
And it's like, no, who cares?
Colin Casey (00:10:22):
Just block it out.
Colin Casey (00:10:23):
Go for it.
Colin Casey (00:10:23):
Spread the message.
Colin Casey (00:10:25):
Do whatever.
Colin Casey (00:10:25):
And just have fun.
Rachel Casey (00:10:26):
we have to make amends after because setting up it's like no you're not doing it
Rachel Casey (00:10:30):
right no you're not doing it right and i mean like a producer you know like this is
Rachel Casey (00:10:34):
just like even the lighting right now i'm like oh my god is that not overkill like
Rachel Casey (00:10:37):
do we really is that necessary like and but he's he does video for his real job
Rachel Casey (00:10:44):
like his i i'm in school so after i got sober i was the one that said i want to go
Rachel Casey (00:10:50):
study how to help others
Rachel Casey (00:10:53):
But I can tell you that I can relate to the feeling that you're talking about when
Rachel Casey (00:10:59):
even you said in active addiction or early addiction,
Rachel Casey (00:11:03):
I have two alcoholic parents and both of their parents are alcoholic both times.
Rachel Casey (00:11:08):
So I'm like,
Rachel Casey (00:11:09):
I mean,
Rachel Casey (00:11:09):
I'm like seventh generation alcoholic and Colin doesn't have,
Rachel Casey (00:11:15):
he didn't have traumatic childhood.
Rachel Casey (00:11:17):
He had a very,
Rachel Casey (00:11:17):
even though his parents were divorced early,
Rachel Casey (00:11:19):
he had a really,
Rachel Casey (00:11:20):
they have a good relationship.
Rachel Casey (00:11:22):
Mine do not.
Rachel Casey (00:11:23):
It was trauma.
Rachel Casey (00:11:25):
And I have to remind Colin communication wise, I get,
Rachel Casey (00:11:32):
my body will start shutting down when I start remembering things that are happening like with Evan.
Rachel Casey (00:11:38):
And I, my body knows how I was treated as a kid.
Rachel Casey (00:11:42):
And like, I go into overprotective mode because my body is like,
Rachel Casey (00:11:48):
protect him from what happens.
Rachel Casey (00:11:50):
You don't let what happened to you happen to him.
Rachel Casey (00:11:52):
And then it becomes to Collins, like, well, we, we have to teach him lessons.
Rachel Casey (00:11:58):
We're not going to do it the way your parents did, but my body like can't overprotect.
Rachel Casey (00:12:05):
I mean, it's really, really hard because.
Rachel Casey (00:12:10):
I was told, you know, go, emotions were not allowed to happen.
Rachel Casey (00:12:15):
You go to your room, you hide.
Rachel Casey (00:12:17):
If you are not happy, you go away.
Rachel Casey (00:12:19):
Or there was the emotional abuse of, we just, they did not want us around unless we were quiet or
Colin Casey (00:12:27):
Oh, drinking maybe or taking care of.
Colin Casey (00:12:30):
Yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:12:30):
My mom, if she was home, not working in the ICU because she was an ICU nurse.
Rachel Casey (00:12:37):
I mean, again, it was...
Rachel Casey (00:12:41):
it was not good.
Rachel Casey (00:12:43):
Uh,
Rachel Casey (00:12:44):
so I get,
Rachel Casey (00:12:46):
all I want to do is love Evan,
Rachel Casey (00:12:49):
which when parenting in the beginning,
Rachel Casey (00:12:52):
I was so determined not to be my parents.
Rachel Casey (00:12:55):
And I wound up, you know, falling asleep at the bathtub.
Rachel Casey (00:12:59):
And because I was, I couldn't wait to drink and like my body would just
Rachel Casey (00:13:06):
I mean,
Rachel Casey (00:13:06):
I couldn't hand,
Rachel Casey (00:13:07):
I needed the alcohol to get through the emotion because I had no other coping skills.
Janice J Dowd (00:13:13):
Yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:13:13):
So I can relate to that too.
Rachel Casey (00:13:16):
I'm like,
Rachel Casey (00:13:17):
but in even now in sobriety,
Rachel Casey (00:13:18):
I do have like,
Rachel Casey (00:13:19):
I mean,
Rachel Casey (00:13:20):
now,
Rachel Casey (00:13:21):
instead of saying I need a drink,
Rachel Casey (00:13:22):
I do a meditation,
Rachel Casey (00:13:23):
but I will have to time out myself.
Rachel Casey (00:13:26):
And Collins even said, go put on a meditation really quickly because I literally, I
Rachel Casey (00:13:31):
my body just goes back to what my childhood was like.
Rachel Casey (00:13:35):
It makes sense.
Rachel Casey (00:13:36):
Yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:13:37):
But I love, I love that y'all are sober and y'all are doing the best thing for Evan.
Rachel Casey (00:13:43):
And I think that that's really, really beautiful and really admirable.
Rachel Casey (00:13:48):
And yeah, I love to see that.
Rachel Casey (00:13:53):
But I'm also, you know, I wonder if we label him a little too hard because we see things and we're like,
Colin Casey (00:13:59):
That's an addiction.
Rachel Casey (00:14:00):
You're an alcoholic, babe.
Rachel Casey (00:14:03):
Like, I can tell you that we call him a little allotot.
(00:14:08):
He is.
Rachel Casey (00:14:08):
I see it.
Rachel Casey (00:14:09):
I see it.
Rachel Casey (00:14:10):
I like.
Rachel Casey (00:14:10):
I can.
Rachel Casey (00:14:11):
I mean, I would.
Rachel Casey (00:14:21):
I don't want to bet on my child being an alcoholic because,
Rachel Casey (00:14:25):
but I mean,
Rachel Casey (00:14:25):
I'm hoping,
Rachel Casey (00:14:26):
you know,
Rachel Casey (00:14:26):
we teach him a lot of really good coping skills like you had talked about,
Rachel Casey (00:14:30):
especially in school for psychology.
Rachel Casey (00:14:37):
But one of the things I have done that you guys can maybe share your experience on
Rachel Casey (00:14:42):
is that because I had alcoholic parents,
Rachel Casey (00:14:45):
there came a point in my sobriety that it was suggested I try Al-Anon,
Rachel Casey (00:14:51):
or um adult children oh yeah um and neither went great i actually i don't think i
Rachel Casey (00:15:03):
was strong enough but the alan on one i had said my name's rachel i'm alcoholic and
Rachel Casey (00:15:10):
i mean when the room shut down they're like you don't say you're alcoholic in here
Rachel Casey (00:15:14):
you just say your name you know and then i was like oh my god i felt like the
Rachel Casey (00:15:20):
problem in the room of like caused all these people pain and i'm just like i'm so
Rachel Casey (00:15:26):
sorry but i'm also a child of two alcoholic parents one sober one not um yeah you
Rachel Casey (00:15:35):
deserve your place in that room
Rachel Casey (00:15:38):
Yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:15:39):
Yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:15:39):
And that's very counterintuitive to like a meeting where you're supposed to lay it
Rachel Casey (00:15:44):
all on the table,
Rachel Casey (00:15:45):
like,
Rachel Casey (00:15:46):
you know.
Rachel Casey (00:15:48):
So that's interesting.
Rachel Casey (00:15:49):
And that's that's sad to hear that the room kind of turned on you in that moment,
Colin Casey (00:15:56):
or at least the energy felt that way.
Rachel Casey (00:15:59):
It wasn't the time for me.
Rachel Casey (00:16:00):
What was your, I know you had like a little experience with Al-Anon.
Rachel Casey (00:16:04):
It's not for everyone, by the way.
Rachel Casey (00:16:05):
Like there is many, many ways to cope.
Rachel Casey (00:16:09):
Like you said, therapy, there's friendships, there's count.
Rachel Casey (00:16:12):
I mean, there's just a million different ways than Al-Anon or AA.
Rachel Casey (00:16:16):
Yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:16:17):
And I think that those are great tools and resources for families of alcoholics.
Rachel Casey (00:16:23):
But I personally also did not really get
Rachel Casey (00:16:28):
too far into al-anon or adult children of alcoholics um i know my mom at one point
Rachel Casey (00:16:36):
in time like she played these like online meetings while we were together here and
Rachel Casey (00:16:42):
there um during a certain period of time when i was living with her but still even
Rachel Casey (00:16:46):
then like i didn't i didn't cling on or really like real not not relate but like it
Rachel Casey (00:16:55):
didn't
Rachel Casey (00:16:58):
I didn't feel like it was helpful to me.
Rachel Casey (00:17:01):
But there was one point in college,
Rachel Casey (00:17:03):
like during my mom's early sobriety that I thought that I was going to an Al-Anon meeting.
Rachel Casey (00:17:08):
And it's where it was advertised.
Rachel Casey (00:17:10):
It was like the only Al-Anon meeting that was in the area.
Rachel Casey (00:17:14):
And I walked in and like the meeting was going on and it was a full blown AA meeting.
Rachel Casey (00:17:20):
And this was, again, early into my mom's sobriety.
Rachel Casey (00:17:23):
So I hadn't been to an AA meeting with her.
Rachel Casey (00:17:28):
Thank you.
Rachel Casey (00:17:29):
had much knowledge of AA or the recovery process yet.
Rachel Casey (00:17:34):
And I sat down for like five minutes and I had a friend that came with me who was
Rachel Casey (00:17:39):
very kind to come with me.
Rachel Casey (00:17:41):
But as soon as we sat down and I found out we were in an AA meeting, I was like, I'm going to throw up.
Rachel Casey (00:17:47):
I need to get out of here.
Rachel Casey (00:17:49):
We didn't last five minutes.
Rachel Casey (00:17:51):
And I was like, come on, let's go.
Rachel Casey (00:17:53):
This is uncomfortable.
Rachel Casey (00:17:54):
I'm not ready for this.
Rachel Casey (00:17:56):
I'm not prepared for this.
Rachel Casey (00:17:58):
I'm like shaking.
Rachel Casey (00:17:59):
It just, it was like a body reaction to like escape, get out of here.
Rachel Casey (00:18:05):
And I mean,
Rachel Casey (00:18:06):
that's a,
Rachel Casey (00:18:07):
so one thing I don't think I knew before AA,
Rachel Casey (00:18:10):
which I've also told or Alan on any of those types of recovery meetings.
Rachel Casey (00:18:13):
I'm like, you do know, like, it's not like a prison.
Rachel Casey (00:18:16):
You like,
Rachel Casey (00:18:16):
if you go in and you feel uncomfortable,
Rachel Casey (00:18:18):
you can walk out and that's totally,
Rachel Casey (00:18:20):
no one's going to like follow you or be like,
Rachel Casey (00:18:24):
shame you i thought like it's like an hour and like you're trapped you know like
Rachel Casey (00:18:28):
and i and i remind people hey even if you just go test it out you can leave and
Rachel Casey (00:18:35):
it's okay it might feel awkward to you yeah i promise no one else in the rooms is
Rachel Casey (00:18:41):
like we learn in aa people typically don't care like we think people care like my
Rachel Casey (00:18:49):
spot my sponsor used to say
Rachel Casey (00:18:53):
How important do you think you are?
Rachel Casey (00:18:55):
Like you, she's like, do you think you are like the spotlights on you?
Rachel Casey (00:18:59):
Like,
Rachel Casey (00:19:00):
no one's noticing you and i hate she's like i i promise you're not that special
Rachel Casey (00:19:05):
like you know in the nicest way possible but it's not something you could have told
Rachel Casey (00:19:10):
me before sobriety i'm like everyone's looking at me leaving no no i think that's a
Rachel Casey (00:19:16):
very human thing in general is to think that everyone is like judging you
Rachel Casey (00:19:21):
constantly even if it's just like
Rachel Casey (00:19:24):
your grocery basket in walmart it's like i don't know those are thoughts that i
Rachel Casey (00:19:29):
have i'm like do people see how like unhealthy my like pizzas and mac and cheese
Rachel Casey (00:19:34):
and stuff is in my grocery basket like i think that that's pretty human but no one
Rachel Casey (00:19:38):
cares yeah but the only the only difference i would say of or or the next phase
Rachel Casey (00:19:46):
would be when i feel that uncomfortable my brain automatically used to go
Rachel Casey (00:19:52):
I need a drink right now, or I can't stop these thoughts.
Rachel Casey (00:19:55):
Like for a therapist that I had, had the best way of explaining.
Rachel Casey (00:20:00):
She talks about birds fly,
Rachel Casey (00:20:02):
you know,
Rachel Casey (00:20:03):
and you have a thought like,
Rachel Casey (00:20:04):
Oh my God,
Rachel Casey (00:20:05):
people looking at my grocery basket.
Rachel Casey (00:20:07):
And you just continue on.
Rachel Casey (00:20:08):
When the bird stops and starts building a nest is where you're having an intrusive thought.
Rachel Casey (00:20:16):
And it's like, I look at the basket and I'm like, Oh my God.
Rachel Casey (00:20:20):
I hate myself.
Rachel Casey (00:20:21):
I hate me.
Rachel Casey (00:20:22):
I hate how I am.
Rachel Casey (00:20:23):
Oh my God.
Rachel Casey (00:20:23):
The only way to make this stop is to get alcohol or drug in me right now.
Rachel Casey (00:20:28):
And then I'll go to the wine aisle and be like, screw it.
Rachel Casey (00:20:31):
I don't care if I said I wasn't drinking yesterday.
Rachel Casey (00:20:34):
I'm so uncomfortable.
Rachel Casey (00:20:35):
I don't know another way out of myself.
Rachel Casey (00:20:38):
And it's like that nest that just builds and birds flying fine.
Rachel Casey (00:20:43):
But when it starts stop, we're going to, we're going to really build up here.
Rachel Casey (00:20:47):
Yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:20:48):
And that was just such a great analogy.
Rachel Casey (00:20:52):
Great analogy.
Rachel Casey (00:20:54):
Now, one thing I want to say about meetings too is that
Rachel Casey (00:20:59):
You know,
Rachel Casey (00:21:00):
sometimes you have to try a number of them at different locations and places
Rachel Casey (00:21:05):
because like I know in my community,
Rachel Casey (00:21:07):
there's a clubhouse and every day it has a morning meeting,
Rachel Casey (00:21:10):
a lunch meeting and a dinner meeting.
Rachel Casey (00:21:12):
And each one of those meetings is different.
Rachel Casey (00:21:14):
Yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:21:15):
And I feel most at home at the lunch meeting because it's a lot of housewives whose
Rachel Casey (00:21:21):
kids are in school,
Rachel Casey (00:21:23):
older people who are retired.
Rachel Casey (00:21:24):
You know what I mean?
Rachel Casey (00:21:25):
Whereas the morning meetings, one flavor.
Colin Casey (00:21:28):
Well, and then like because I almost look at it as they're almost each one is its own little franchise.
Colin Casey (00:21:34):
You could go to a different McDonald's and yeah,
Colin Casey (00:21:38):
I'm throwing that as an example,
Colin Casey (00:21:39):
but it could be a little different or taste a little different or you have a bad
Colin Casey (00:21:42):
experience at one.
Colin Casey (00:21:43):
That doesn't mean every single AA meeting is going to be just I think they say to try five.
Rachel Casey (00:21:48):
I think that's like the rule.
Colin Casey (00:21:49):
The one that I found that I love is in the because I work in downtown next to
Colin Casey (00:21:54):
what's called the gayborhood area.
Colin Casey (00:21:56):
So my meeting is like 95 percent gay men.
Colin Casey (00:22:00):
And then I love it.
Colin Casey (00:22:02):
I'm like, there's like one or two straight guys in that meeting, but I love it.
Colin Casey (00:22:06):
And it's my noon meeting that I go to at work.
Rachel Casey (00:22:09):
And I've joined a few times that are like, we've heard a lot about you.
Rachel Casey (00:22:12):
I'm like, I'm sure you have.
Colin Casey (00:22:15):
It's the one that, you know, just generate, you know, I gel with the most.
Colin Casey (00:22:19):
And it's just funny how that works out that way.
Colin Casey (00:22:22):
But yeah, you've got to test out a lot of different meetings.
Colin Casey (00:22:25):
Like you were just saying, the morning, noon and night ones are all a little different.
Colin Casey (00:22:30):
And you gel with the noon ones the best.
Rachel Casey (00:22:32):
yeah yeah and i wanted to ask at least so one of the things that brought you on or
Rachel Casey (00:22:40):
listening to the podcast is you have a book coming up march 11th of 2025 is already
Rachel Casey (00:22:47):
on pre-sale uh barnes and noble and amazon is the rebuilding relationships in
Rachel Casey (00:22:53):
recovery and
Rachel Casey (00:22:57):
It is hard just even putting words on paper,
Rachel Casey (00:23:00):
but has,
Rachel Casey (00:23:00):
Katie,
Rachel Casey (00:23:01):
have you read the book before it going out or not?
Rachel Casey (00:23:05):
So my mom had sent me a few chapters via email and I had read.
Rachel Casey (00:23:11):
So a couple of the chapters, but she my mom got a couple of like sample copies in the mail.
Rachel Casey (00:23:21):
And I was like, one of those has to be mine.
Rachel Casey (00:23:26):
It's hard.
Rachel Casey (00:23:28):
I know.
Rachel Casey (00:23:28):
So now that I actually have a printed copy, I've since read more of the chapters.
Rachel Casey (00:23:33):
And I've I've been so incredibly proud of my mom throughout this whole process from
Rachel Casey (00:23:38):
like knowing years ago before she got sober that she wanted to write a book one day
Rachel Casey (00:23:43):
to now like to then spending multiple years writing it.
Rachel Casey (00:23:48):
Mm hmm.
Rachel Casey (00:23:48):
to then finding a book agent, to then the book agent and her finding a publisher.
Rachel Casey (00:23:54):
And then now the publishing process, it's just, it's been very inspiring from day one.
Rachel Casey (00:24:00):
And I'm just so proud of my mom.
Rachel Casey (00:24:04):
And so now I have since read many more of the chapters in the book.
Rachel Casey (00:24:07):
And I think that it is very helpful.
Rachel Casey (00:24:11):
And it's, I think it's going to help a lot of people.
Rachel Casey (00:24:14):
I'm just really excited for it to come out.
Rachel Casey (00:24:16):
And I'm really,
Rachel Casey (00:24:20):
privileged to be witness to the process I think that's so cool and how um and how
Rachel Casey (00:24:27):
do you feel about writing a book that you know your children are going to read like
Rachel Casey (00:24:32):
do you think that they know most of the things or do you feel like there's going to
Rachel Casey (00:24:36):
be some surprises in there
Rachel Casey (00:24:39):
Well,
Rachel Casey (00:24:39):
now,
Rachel Casey (00:24:40):
Katie has probably underestimated how much she's read because there's a few
Rachel Casey (00:24:43):
chapters that I asked both her and my middle son to read and approve.
Rachel Casey (00:24:49):
And all along, because, you know, we have to honor other people's privacy.
Rachel Casey (00:24:52):
I have checked in with them, like, is it OK?
Rachel Casey (00:24:57):
There is not a huge amount of embarrassing self-disclosure because it's really a
Rachel Casey (00:25:03):
self-help like teaching guide.
Rachel Casey (00:25:05):
Here are some things to do.
Rachel Casey (00:25:07):
Here's some information to be aware of a little bit about the brain,
Rachel Casey (00:25:12):
the science of the addicted brain and things like that.
Rachel Casey (00:25:15):
Right.
Rachel Casey (00:25:16):
So I have really I got permission from them all along the way.
Rachel Casey (00:25:20):
I mean, even to the point of can I put your name into the dedication?
Rachel Casey (00:25:25):
And I'm really,
Rachel Casey (00:25:27):
really happy to say my kids decided to write an afterword,
Rachel Casey (00:25:32):
which is really,
Rachel Casey (00:25:33):
really sweet and moving to Katie and one of her brothers wrote.
Rachel Casey (00:25:38):
a personal one and then they collectively put their ideas together and um whenever
Rachel Casey (00:25:44):
i'm feeling kind of like a lot of self-doubt or blue or like i don't know if this
Rachel Casey (00:25:49):
book sell and if it'll help people i read that afterward because you know what if
Rachel Casey (00:25:54):
nothing else i've helped them you know which is another one of my from a parenting
Rachel Casey (00:26:01):
point of view i think a lot of us feel really guilty about the
Rachel Casey (00:26:08):
unintentional generational dysfunction we've passed on to our kids but like i'm so
Rachel Casey (00:26:15):
excited for you guys your child is so young i mean he hasn't ever known you
Rachel Casey (00:26:18):
probably doesn't have any memory of you drinking but you are t does you're right
Colin Casey (00:26:26):
yeah
Rachel Casey (00:26:27):
Yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:26:27):
And yet you're teaching him,
Rachel Casey (00:26:29):
you're role modeling all these great life skills,
Rachel Casey (00:26:32):
you know,
Rachel Casey (00:26:33):
and that's so exciting to see.
Rachel Casey (00:26:35):
And I witnessed that.
Rachel Casey (00:26:37):
So I have my first grandchildren.
Rachel Casey (00:26:39):
I've told this story before where I've, you know, I go and help out with my grandchild, babysit.
Rachel Casey (00:26:48):
And I've watched my son and my daughter-in-law say and do things like,
Rachel Casey (00:26:55):
Deep breathing.
Rachel Casey (00:26:56):
They're teaching the not quite three-year-old how to do deep breathing to calm and relax.
Rachel Casey (00:27:04):
Yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:27:06):
I think that's a great tool, which I'm sure I didn't teach Katie and her brothers.
Rachel Casey (00:27:12):
It's like a second chance for her.
Janice J Dowd (00:27:14):
Yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:27:15):
It is.
Rachel Casey (00:27:17):
And that's a way that we forget ourself as parents,
Rachel Casey (00:27:20):
too,
Rachel Casey (00:27:21):
because that was one thing that was really hard for me in early sobriety,
Rachel Casey (00:27:26):
because every time they'd be like,
Rachel Casey (00:27:27):
OK,
Rachel Casey (00:27:27):
you have to address this trauma from your own childhood.
Rachel Casey (00:27:30):
You have to do this.
Rachel Casey (00:27:31):
In my head, I would immediately go to I did the same thing to my kids.
Rachel Casey (00:27:35):
You know what I mean?
Rachel Casey (00:27:36):
I made them feel bad or I said this ugly thing to them or I wasn't there or I showed up drunk, you know.
Rachel Casey (00:27:45):
It was really easy to get wrapped up in my own mistakes as opposed to,
Rachel Casey (00:27:49):
okay,
Rachel Casey (00:27:50):
focus on the present and what we're changing now.
Rachel Casey (00:27:52):
Katie's going to be a great mom one day, and I can already tell you guys are great parents.
Rachel Casey (00:28:01):
I mean, we have the thing that I can say, though, is we learn that alcohol is, you know, but a symptom.
Rachel Casey (00:28:08):
And I have I mean, I'm not going to lie.
Rachel Casey (00:28:11):
There was I can think of two times off the top of my head,
Rachel Casey (00:28:14):
even in sobriety,
Rachel Casey (00:28:15):
where I it's like you revert into your parent.
Rachel Casey (00:28:21):
And I'm like, oh, my God, I just did what I know in AOC, I really identified with.
Rachel Casey (00:28:27):
You never knew what you were walking into.
Rachel Casey (00:28:29):
Like every day coming home, it could be happy.
Rachel Casey (00:28:32):
It could be sad.
Rachel Casey (00:28:33):
It could be.
Rachel Casey (00:28:33):
And so I was always so anxious because I never home was never consistent.
Rachel Casey (00:28:37):
There was never like I knew what I was coming home to.
Rachel Casey (00:28:40):
It was.
Rachel Casey (00:28:41):
What's the flavor of today?
Rachel Casey (00:28:44):
Because it's either overly happy, overly bad.
Rachel Casey (00:28:49):
And I can I don't have great.
Rachel Casey (00:28:52):
I'm still working on my coping skills,
Rachel Casey (00:28:54):
especially like when Evan doesn't listen,
Rachel Casey (00:28:58):
but it doesn't take alcohol.
Rachel Casey (00:29:01):
Now alcohol fuels it,
Rachel Casey (00:29:02):
you know,
Rachel Casey (00:29:03):
like it would go beyond where it should,
Rachel Casey (00:29:05):
but I still get that,
Rachel Casey (00:29:09):
that buildup of how do I deal with this?
Rachel Casey (00:29:13):
Oh, I know how, like my parents did.
Rachel Casey (00:29:15):
We're going to throw some shit.
Rachel Casey (00:29:16):
We're going to throw.
Rachel Casey (00:29:17):
And I did.
Rachel Casey (00:29:18):
I mean, I have, I've just, I've,
Rachel Casey (00:29:21):
I hate it.
Rachel Casey (00:29:21):
But being aware of it and acknowledging it is like a great step to changing it,
Rachel Casey (00:29:27):
you know,
Rachel Casey (00:29:28):
and moving forward and doing things different.
Rachel Casey (00:29:30):
I think that...
Rachel Casey (00:29:32):
Um, but not being aware of it is where the problem comes in, you know?
Rachel Casey (00:29:36):
Oh my God.
Rachel Casey (00:29:37):
And then it's just like, Oh my God, I've ruined him.
Rachel Casey (00:29:39):
I'm going to go away.
Rachel Casey (00:29:40):
And again, there's that like, and that's why I'm in therapy.
Rachel Casey (00:29:44):
That's why I do weekly therapy.
Rachel Casey (00:29:47):
It's the reason that I,
Rachel Casey (00:29:48):
and I have psychiatry,
Rachel Casey (00:29:49):
you know,
Rachel Casey (00:29:49):
there's a lot of things that from my childhood,
Rachel Casey (00:29:52):
I know carry over and a lot of things pop up.
Rachel Casey (00:29:56):
I was not expecting the amount of
Rachel Casey (00:30:00):
When something will happen, a memory will be like, oh, my God, I haven't thought about that in years.
Rachel Casey (00:30:05):
And it's very different than what Evan's experiencing.
Colin Casey (00:30:09):
Well,
Colin Casey (00:30:09):
I think that's also the difference between us is where,
Colin Casey (00:30:11):
you know,
Colin Casey (00:30:12):
I'll have raising Evan,
Colin Casey (00:30:14):
who's five now.
Colin Casey (00:30:16):
He'll do something or act a certain way and it will ignite a memory of something
Colin Casey (00:30:20):
that I did when I was at that exact age that has been almost a forgotten memory.
Colin Casey (00:30:25):
And I was like, oh, wow, that's crazy.
Colin Casey (00:30:28):
But when that happens to you, it's not a great memory.
Colin Casey (00:30:32):
It's a negative word to me.
Colin Casey (00:30:34):
It's like usually a good memory of something.
Colin Casey (00:30:37):
but it's almost the opposite.
Colin Casey (00:30:38):
So I think that's also,
Colin Casey (00:30:40):
you know,
Colin Casey (00:30:41):
the two differences between us is where some of those things were hidden from you.
Colin Casey (00:30:45):
And, you know, as Evan ages, you know, that stuff just gets brought back up, those weird memories.
Rachel Casey (00:30:51):
That stuff comes up, it's still second nature, you know?
Rachel Casey (00:30:56):
Katie,
Rachel Casey (00:30:56):
do you have any advice for other like teenagers or young adults on how to cope with
Rachel Casey (00:31:03):
a parent who's early in recovery?
Rachel Casey (00:31:04):
I'm just curious to see what she says.
Rachel Casey (00:31:07):
Oh, I thought so.
Rachel Casey (00:31:08):
When you said, do you have any advice?
Rachel Casey (00:31:10):
I thought we were talking about being a parent and I'm like, I don't have a child.
Rachel Casey (00:31:13):
I have no idea.
Rachel Casey (00:31:15):
I'm not giving out of that kind of advice.
Rachel Casey (00:31:18):
But to cope with having a parent, that's.
Colin Casey (00:31:22):
You living with your mom or were you already out at college?
Rachel Casey (00:31:27):
So.
Rachel Casey (00:31:27):
Watch it.
Rachel Casey (00:31:28):
I was at college when my mom went to rehab and got sober.
Rachel Casey (00:31:33):
I was in my second year of college.
Rachel Casey (00:31:38):
Um, and, but I was still coming home often enough to be aware of what had been going on at home.
Rachel Casey (00:31:48):
Like she went to rehab February.
Rachel Casey (00:31:51):
Um, and that Christmas break beforehand was amazing.
Rachel Casey (00:31:57):
A disaster.
Rachel Casey (00:31:58):
It was a wild disaster.
Rachel Casey (00:32:01):
And so I wasn't unaware of the situation at home.
Rachel Casey (00:32:09):
And my two younger brothers, I felt...
Rachel Casey (00:32:16):
In a way, a need to protect them, but I don't think that I actually protected them.
Rachel Casey (00:32:21):
If anything,
Rachel Casey (00:32:22):
I just like called my mom out and maybe made situations more explosive or worse in
Rachel Casey (00:32:28):
different times leading up to my mom going to rehab.
Rachel Casey (00:32:32):
Yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:32:34):
If you didn't do that there,
Rachel Casey (00:32:36):
I think everything serves a purpose like that might have helped push the needle,
Rachel Casey (00:32:41):
you know,
Rachel Casey (00:32:41):
I feel like there's things where we're like,
Rachel Casey (00:32:45):
oh,
Rachel Casey (00:32:45):
I wish I wouldn't have.
Rachel Casey (00:32:46):
I'm like, if I hadn't had that experience, I don't know that I would have gotten sober.
Rachel Casey (00:32:50):
I might have still been making excuses.
Colin Casey (00:32:52):
Well, I know one of our last family trips was to Florida with my mom.
Colin Casey (00:32:58):
And there was a moat towards the end of the vacation.
Colin Casey (00:33:00):
They don't want a vacation with us again.
Colin Casey (00:33:02):
They sat us down and said, this is going to be our last vacation with you guys.
Colin Casey (00:33:06):
Because we were just such a drunk, arguing mess the whole time.
Colin Casey (00:33:11):
And that was, what, two, three weeks before we went to AA?
Rachel Casey (00:33:14):
It's a week and a half.
Colin Casey (00:33:16):
Yeah.
Colin Casey (00:33:16):
Yeah.
Colin Casey (00:33:16):
yeah so they kind of that's what i thought of when you were telling me that
Colin Casey (00:33:20):
christmas and it's like yeah well i think a lot of people have that one last like
Colin Casey (00:33:25):
oh there this is a shit show yeah well at the point we couldn't stop you know like
Rachel Casey (00:33:32):
it was that was the luggage that we packed an extra suitcase that just had jameson
Rachel Casey (00:33:38):
in it
Rachel Casey (00:33:40):
yeah that doesn't sound like a normal statement to most people we were like we
Rachel Casey (00:33:44):
thought we're geniuses and hindsight you're like oh that maybe and we have two
Rachel Casey (00:33:52):
handles of jameson and yeah i mean that that was a very bad trip but again had that
Rachel Casey (00:34:00):
not happened
Rachel Casey (00:34:03):
I don't,
Rachel Casey (00:34:03):
you know,
Rachel Casey (00:34:04):
it had to happen for me to get to a place where you could convince me that maybe
Rachel Casey (00:34:09):
alcohol was a problem in my life.
Rachel Casey (00:34:11):
Yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:34:12):
And maybe like growing up with
Rachel Casey (00:34:15):
um my mom like I think that there probably should have been signs earlier on that
Rachel Casey (00:34:21):
were like kind of like that that were a little bit off like my mom used to pack a
Rachel Casey (00:34:26):
bottle of vodka when we used to go to our grandparents house and it would just be
Rachel Casey (00:34:31):
like a part of your suitcase yeah and yeah now looking back it's like hmm
Rachel Casey (00:34:37):
do does do other people do that when they go visit their parents like I don't know
Rachel Casey (00:34:42):
that too so I thought it was normal like I thought that's like what you do yeah
Rachel Casey (00:34:46):
yeah and it wasn't until it got like really bad that it was like oh my god you've
Rachel Casey (00:34:52):
got to control this this is out of this is a problem yeah till yeah we were I was
Rachel Casey (00:34:59):
screaming at you in front of grandma and
Rachel Casey (00:35:02):
And grandma was like, maybe that's your mother.
Rachel Casey (00:35:04):
You've got to calm down and respect your mom.
Rachel Casey (00:35:07):
My mom,
Rachel Casey (00:35:08):
it was that she's the super typical codependent Al-Anon to my alcoholic dad,
Rachel Casey (00:35:17):
you know,
Rachel Casey (00:35:17):
is covering up,
Rachel Casey (00:35:18):
cleaning up.
Rachel Casey (00:35:19):
So, yep.
Rachel Casey (00:35:20):
Yeah, and that's both of them, I would say, lots of codependency in my family.
Rachel Casey (00:35:28):
So the other thing,
Rachel Casey (00:35:29):
so my grandmother and she,
Rachel Casey (00:35:32):
both of my sober grandparents who had over 20 years sober did not get to see me sober.
Rachel Casey (00:35:38):
And they, so each of my parents, not only they had almost the same as me, one sober, one not.
Rachel Casey (00:35:45):
And,
Rachel Casey (00:35:46):
um,
Rachel Casey (00:35:47):
my grandma,
Rachel Casey (00:35:47):
the,
Rachel Casey (00:35:48):
our final straw of like where our relationship distanced was when I,
Rachel Casey (00:35:53):
she tried to force me to go to an Al-Anon meeting and I wasn't ready.
Rachel Casey (00:35:57):
Um, I didn't want to go.
Rachel Casey (00:35:58):
I felt like that same feeling you described.
Rachel Casey (00:36:00):
Like I was like,
Rachel Casey (00:36:02):
throw up i just don't want to be here you know and she tried to force it on me and
Rachel Casey (00:36:08):
i'm like you can't do that you can't yeah um it won't work it'll it'll almost like
Rachel Casey (00:36:15):
do the opposite of the magnet it's like it pushes you further away um and little
Rachel Casey (00:36:22):
you know two months later after she passed i ended up getting sober um which i
Rachel Casey (00:36:27):
really do wish she would have saw but
Rachel Casey (00:36:30):
It's how it happens, right?
Rachel Casey (00:36:32):
I hope she's looking down and around you and her spirit comes and goes and still sees it.
Rachel Casey (00:36:38):
Yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:36:38):
I sees the work you've done.
Rachel Casey (00:36:41):
But grandparents, I mean, no one had good family relationships in my family.
Rachel Casey (00:36:45):
Like my mom, my dad did not talk to either his mom or dad.
Rachel Casey (00:36:50):
My mom did have
Rachel Casey (00:36:53):
relationship with her parents but my dad hated her parents so that was the
Rachel Casey (00:36:57):
codependence wedge and they lived in different states like I mean there's I was
Rachel Casey (00:37:03):
taught people are not to be trusted in the world you know and it's a hard thing to
Rachel Casey (00:37:08):
overcome where I'm sure it sounds like a social worker you're probably on the
Rachel Casey (00:37:14):
People are good.
Rachel Casey (00:37:16):
You know, people make mistakes.
Rachel Casey (00:37:21):
Well, I struggle with that still, you know, because that was what I grew up with.
Rachel Casey (00:37:26):
And my kids are like that.
Rachel Casey (00:37:28):
I tell them,
Rachel Casey (00:37:29):
I ask them,
Rachel Casey (00:37:30):
make me accountable for when I'm looking at the half empty glass,
Rachel Casey (00:37:33):
because that's still my nature.
Rachel Casey (00:37:35):
And I fight it all the time.
Rachel Casey (00:37:38):
So it's ongoing.
Rachel Casey (00:37:41):
And then on the other hand,
Rachel Casey (00:37:42):
the social work part of me wants to believe if you're not if you're not invested in
Rachel Casey (00:37:47):
my circle,
Rachel Casey (00:37:48):
I'm probably going to perceive you as a good person.
Rachel Casey (00:37:51):
And I might not even pay and catch on when you like accidentally insult me or say
Rachel Casey (00:37:55):
something that I may not catch that.
Rachel Casey (00:37:57):
But if you're in my inner circle, I'm not going to trust you as much.
Rachel Casey (00:38:03):
Yeah, I'm kind of the same because I know like even right now I'm having.
Rachel Casey (00:38:09):
Just with having,
Rachel Casey (00:38:10):
I have an unknown,
Rachel Casey (00:38:12):
well,
Rachel Casey (00:38:12):
semi half diagnosed autoimmune and the input from all of the family members.
Rachel Casey (00:38:18):
Another thing I struggled with is when you were sick, it's just allergies, move on, just move on.
Rachel Casey (00:38:24):
And like not being believed that I'm like, so when people dismiss, I get real upset.
Rachel Casey (00:38:34):
or they try to solve it for me.
Rachel Casey (00:38:35):
And I'm like, I don't want a solution.
Rachel Casey (00:38:37):
I don't want you to solve me.
Rachel Casey (00:38:39):
I want you to just listen and believe, like, just believe me, believe me and tell them the truth.
Rachel Casey (00:38:46):
I promise.
Rachel Casey (00:38:47):
But yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:38:48):
It's a hard battle to have.
Rachel Casey (00:38:51):
And I also wanted to kind of one topic, you talked about a blog that you're kind of keeping up.
Rachel Casey (00:38:57):
So the book coming out in March is awesome.
Rachel Casey (00:39:00):
But you also have a ongoing blog where you're talking about things that are just
Rachel Casey (00:39:04):
coming up in life,
Rachel Casey (00:39:05):
right?
Rachel Casey (00:39:06):
Right, right.
Rachel Casey (00:39:07):
That are with recovery or parenting or just any random, just kind of what goes on in your life, right?
Rachel Casey (00:39:15):
Right.
Rachel Casey (00:39:16):
True, true.
Rachel Casey (00:39:17):
The one I published today was about grief because and it's very personal.
Rachel Casey (00:39:22):
It's not like some of them are educational teaching.
Rachel Casey (00:39:26):
This one's very personal because I had grief is a big issue for me and it got triggered big time.
Rachel Casey (00:39:31):
And I had to like sit and process it.
Rachel Casey (00:39:35):
So in journaling, I just turned my journal into a blog.
Rachel Casey (00:39:39):
But part of that comes from I.
Rachel Casey (00:39:43):
I love going to conference, teaching, reading, writing, research.
Rachel Casey (00:39:48):
So it just kind of came natural.
Rachel Casey (00:39:50):
I don't have anyone magically helping me out with editing.
Rachel Casey (00:39:54):
So it's very casual.
Rachel Casey (00:39:56):
Lots of typos.
Rachel Casey (00:39:58):
If Grammarly can't fix it real quick, it's probably there.
Rachel Casey (00:40:03):
But it's a fun thing to do.
Rachel Casey (00:40:06):
And I do at least two articles a month.
Rachel Casey (00:40:09):
So thanks for coming.
Rachel Casey (00:40:10):
So I was going to ask, do you go by hand some of the time and then go back and type it?
Rachel Casey (00:40:17):
Or do you just straight type into a computer?
Rachel Casey (00:40:20):
Well, no, I straight type into a computer.
Rachel Casey (00:40:23):
And that, you know, my very first A sponsor was like...
Rachel Casey (00:40:28):
you have to write it by hand it's so much more therapeutic but I've done that for
Rachel Casey (00:40:33):
so long that it's journaling by on the laptop is just as good for me as um
Rachel Casey (00:40:40):
handwriting actually it's probably better for me now than handwriting early in
Rachel Casey (00:40:44):
recovery you had handwritten notebooks though oh yeah they're still floating around
Rachel Casey (00:40:51):
too
Rachel Casey (00:40:53):
I just was curious what everyone kind of does.
Rachel Casey (00:40:56):
Cause there are like,
Rachel Casey (00:40:58):
he,
Rachel Casey (00:40:59):
as he will say,
Rachel Casey (00:41:01):
like a failed standup comic,
Rachel Casey (00:41:03):
he always has a little book in his pocket to write down something he's thought of.
Rachel Casey (00:41:09):
But some people are like, they'll put it in the notes in their phone, which is what I do now.
Rachel Casey (00:41:13):
I don't carry around, but when it comes to journaling, I will physically write.
Colin Casey (00:41:18):
write and go retype at times yeah when did you start blogging or putting that out
Rachel Casey (00:41:24):
there well actually i had a blog many like in 2011 12 about my experiences taking
Rachel Casey (00:41:32):
care of my elderly parents which was very emotionally trying um
Rachel Casey (00:41:40):
And then I set that aside because my drinking got in the way.
Rachel Casey (00:41:45):
But I started blogging,
Rachel Casey (00:41:47):
I guess,
Rachel Casey (00:41:48):
gosh,
Rachel Casey (00:41:48):
I don't even know if it was maybe in May or something of this year.
Rachel Casey (00:41:53):
And mainly it was an outlet because
Rachel Casey (00:41:56):
you know,
Rachel Casey (00:41:57):
of my need to keep like,
Rachel Casey (00:41:59):
like I do some speaking and teaching and I'm real excited about some workshops that
Rachel Casey (00:42:03):
I have coming up.
Rachel Casey (00:42:05):
But it's kind of my fix.
Rachel Casey (00:42:08):
I mean,
Rachel Casey (00:42:08):
I'm sure that goes back to the codependent part of me who loves to teach,
Rachel Casey (00:42:12):
you know,
Rachel Casey (00:42:12):
who loves to talk.
Rachel Casey (00:42:14):
And it's kind of second nature, codependency.
Rachel Casey (00:42:19):
I'm a helper, you know.
Rachel Casey (00:42:22):
Are the workshops something that like anyone can participate in or is this something?
Rachel Casey (00:42:25):
A little bit of everything.
Rachel Casey (00:42:27):
So most of them have been like drug and alcohol addiction conferences lately or AA.
Rachel Casey (00:42:33):
I've spoken at a few AA conferences, women's conferences, which are good.
Rachel Casey (00:42:38):
Yeah, it's evolving.
Rachel Casey (00:42:41):
So, but I'll post it on my Instagram in case people are interested.
Rachel Casey (00:42:45):
Yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:42:46):
um and attending what do you do for work or are you i know if i'm hearing that if
Rachel Casey (00:42:50):
you're the instagram i love the instagram by the way i like the theme i like the
Rachel Casey (00:42:54):
coloring like i mean i think i like as i'm scrolling every post i'm just like i
Rachel Casey (00:42:59):
hope they don't think i'm weird yes at the beginning of the podcast
Rachel Casey (00:43:03):
My mom gave me credit for social media management, but I am not her social media manager.
Rachel Casey (00:43:08):
If anything, she's tried to push me into like doing more social media.
Rachel Casey (00:43:14):
I'm just social media support.
Rachel Casey (00:43:17):
Hey, listen, it's real.
Rachel Casey (00:43:19):
It's overwhelming at times.
Rachel Casey (00:43:21):
Yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:43:22):
That actually originated, though, from when my mom found...
Rachel Casey (00:43:27):
Lisa, her book agent, Lisa had said, you need an online presence.
Rachel Casey (00:43:32):
So my mom started doing the Instagram accounts and then created the website and
Rachel Casey (00:43:37):
from the website became the blog and you've really enjoyed the blog since.
Rachel Casey (00:43:41):
And I think that that's...
Rachel Casey (00:43:43):
been a great outlet to do like side projects as well,
Rachel Casey (00:43:47):
like do some side writing rather than just like book editing book assignments that
Rachel Casey (00:43:52):
you've been getting.
Rachel Casey (00:43:54):
Um, so I think that that's great, but it's also cool because
Rachel Casey (00:43:59):
Like how my mom says it's like living amends.
Rachel Casey (00:44:04):
And it's it.
Rachel Casey (00:44:06):
I don't I don't fear my mom relapsing.
Rachel Casey (00:44:09):
And I'm grateful to not fear my mom relapsing at this point.
Rachel Casey (00:44:13):
But the continued education and continued writing,
Rachel Casey (00:44:17):
the continued workshops that you've that my mom goes to,
Rachel Casey (00:44:20):
like I'm just.
Rachel Casey (00:44:22):
Um,
Rachel Casey (00:44:24):
it's,
Rachel Casey (00:44:25):
it's confirmation that I don't need to worry moving forward in the future about our
Rachel Casey (00:44:31):
relationship becoming difficult again.
Rachel Casey (00:44:33):
Um, and so, yeah, but yeah, the Instagram is all her.
Rachel Casey (00:44:40):
I, uh, for work, I'm the general manager of a small restaurant at a golf course.
Rachel Casey (00:44:45):
So are you serious?
Rachel Casey (00:44:46):
Yeah, that's awesome.
Rachel Casey (00:44:48):
I worked in restaurants my entire life.
Rachel Casey (00:44:50):
So, I mean, that's what I did.
Rachel Casey (00:44:53):
Yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:44:56):
It's a tough industry.
Rachel Casey (00:44:59):
At a golf course, that's a nice restaurant.
Rachel Casey (00:45:04):
I was like, I can already tell you that that's like a club.
Rachel Casey (00:45:07):
Yeah, I love it.
Rachel Casey (00:45:09):
It keeps things interesting every day.
Rachel Casey (00:45:13):
There's a new problem to solve or something breaking or someone calling out or, you know what I mean?
Rachel Casey (00:45:19):
There's always something to keep my attention going further and further.
Rachel Casey (00:45:24):
I've only done restaurants sober helping out and...
Rachel Casey (00:45:28):
That was probably one of the weirdest experiences I had because I came in to help manage.
Rachel Casey (00:45:35):
And the other person who was managing was also sober.
Rachel Casey (00:45:39):
He was sober.
Rachel Casey (00:45:41):
He had told me he was coming up on nine months at the time.
Rachel Casey (00:45:43):
I was coming up on like five.
Rachel Casey (00:45:45):
And he relapsed.
Rachel Casey (00:45:49):
And I watched him...
Rachel Casey (00:45:52):
It was the weirdest situation because he was telling me he was going to meetings
Rachel Casey (00:45:57):
and coming back like wasted.
Rachel Casey (00:46:00):
And like,
Rachel Casey (00:46:01):
I was new in recovery and I was just filling in at the friend's restaurant and
Rachel Casey (00:46:08):
they're also heavy drinkers,
Rachel Casey (00:46:13):
but they drank the way I drank and they were very mean about it when they came back
Rachel Casey (00:46:19):
and they
Rachel Casey (00:46:21):
You know, they were just happy to have a drinking buddy back.
Rachel Casey (00:46:24):
And it's it was so weird.
Rachel Casey (00:46:27):
And again, I went to so many meetings that week, like just being like, I don't know what to do.
Rachel Casey (00:46:33):
I can't call anyone out.
Rachel Casey (00:46:36):
Like I felt very in the restaurant world.
Rachel Casey (00:46:39):
It's in all the employees smoked and drank.
Rachel Casey (00:46:43):
So I was really the odd man out.
Rachel Casey (00:46:45):
Uh, they liked the manager who let them drink and take shots of the inventory behind the bar and yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:46:53):
Well, yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:46:55):
Restaurant industry is the interesting industry.
Rachel Casey (00:46:58):
That's for sure.
Rachel Casey (00:46:59):
And the state of Alabama, you're, it's very strict and you're not allowed to, um,
Rachel Casey (00:47:07):
like there's you're not allowed to drink on the job obviously that's should be the
Rachel Casey (00:47:12):
case across the board but there are certain states and areas that don't discourage
Rachel Casey (00:47:17):
it if like a customer buys their a shot for the bartender and stuff so um but i
Rachel Casey (00:47:22):
think that it's definitely a industry where you do have a lot of um
Rachel Casey (00:47:31):
yeah there's it is what it is yeah the bartender used to be the person who sold
Rachel Casey (00:47:39):
blow and what they would do is go in the bathroom and under the candle that's like
Rachel Casey (00:47:44):
in decor he would put the bag and then you would go take it put the money and then
Rachel Casey (00:47:49):
the bartender would go get it and i mean there were customers that used that
Rachel Casey (00:47:52):
bathroom in between and we were psycho but that sounded so normal it's like oh well
Rachel Casey (00:47:56):
we need to pick me up for this long shift like
Rachel Casey (00:48:00):
And I mean, we could have gotten caught at any time.
Rachel Casey (00:48:02):
We're not even talking about alcohol.
Rachel Casey (00:48:03):
Alcohol, we really, we just hid that.
Rachel Casey (00:48:07):
We would do the deli cups.
Rachel Casey (00:48:09):
And I mean, it's like anyone could have smelled it, but I don't know.
Rachel Casey (00:48:14):
I didn't want to go back after I got sober because I thought it would be too difficult.
Rachel Casey (00:48:19):
I just really wanted to help people.
Rachel Casey (00:48:21):
So I started studying psychology and I want to work in addiction and recovery.
Rachel Casey (00:48:28):
Um, cause that's, you know, I know what it's like on the other side and it's right.
Rachel Casey (00:48:34):
Right.
Rachel Casey (00:48:35):
It's, uh, I never want to go back.
Rachel Casey (00:48:38):
And I know like what you're,
Rachel Casey (00:48:40):
what you just said,
Rachel Casey (00:48:41):
the fact that you're constantly blogging and talking,
Rachel Casey (00:48:43):
it,
Rachel Casey (00:48:44):
it really does.
Rachel Casey (00:48:45):
It just pushes you so much further away from the drink.
Rachel Casey (00:48:50):
Well, you don't want it.
Rachel Casey (00:48:52):
Yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:48:53):
And I think we haven't said this,
Rachel Casey (00:48:55):
but I think we all know it is that a big part of staying sober is helping other
Rachel Casey (00:48:59):
people get sober.
Rachel Casey (00:49:00):
You know, like with your podcast, you're definitely doing it.
Rachel Casey (00:49:04):
You're normalizing things.
Rachel Casey (00:49:07):
getting sober or going alcohol free or choosing to be sober curious.
Rachel Casey (00:49:13):
And you do it in such a great way that it's not shaming.
Rachel Casey (00:49:16):
I love how you share your experience, how you've talked about.
Rachel Casey (00:49:20):
you know, the past sober Octobers that didn't work, I think.
Rachel Casey (00:49:24):
So you're already doing some of that, you know, I just want to help someone here.
Rachel Casey (00:49:30):
Like we also didn't make it through sober Octobers, you know, like there was a time it took what it took.
Rachel Casey (00:49:37):
And I just thought about that during this interview, I'm like,
Rachel Casey (00:49:41):
is evan gonna look back and like this is like out there and i should have asked his
Rachel Casey (00:49:46):
permission and he's gonna be like oh mom and dad someone found your podcast and
Rachel Casey (00:49:52):
like your parents were fucked up there might be periods of that but in the long run
Rachel Casey (00:50:02):
he's gonna be so proud of y'all and he's gonna think it's so cool
Rachel Casey (00:50:06):
I hope so.
Rachel Casey (00:50:07):
Or he's going to be like, man, mom and dad are narks.
Colin Casey (00:50:10):
One of those things where it changes because we have seen in the last couple of years,
Colin Casey (00:50:15):
just sobriety been such an uptick with all the alcohol-free beer and other options
Colin Casey (00:50:21):
where
Colin Casey (00:50:22):
You know,
Colin Casey (00:50:22):
his age,
Colin Casey (00:50:23):
it almost might make kind of the trend like smoking has kind of it's not the cool
Colin Casey (00:50:27):
thing to do anymore.
Colin Casey (00:50:29):
We're drinking alcohol at a young age doesn't seem to be the cool thing to do anymore.
Colin Casey (00:50:33):
I mean, I'm sure it will be replaced by something else that we will, you know, scold him for.
Colin Casey (00:50:38):
But right now, it seems like, you know, that's not something I'm not ready for that.
Colin Casey (00:50:44):
Worry about when he's 15, if he's sneaking out drinking, because.
Colin Casey (00:50:48):
You know,
Colin Casey (00:50:49):
that might just the culture seems to be shifting towards just being sober,
Colin Casey (00:50:54):
curious or just not overly drinking,
Colin Casey (00:50:57):
whether that's advertising or what.
Colin Casey (00:51:00):
But it seems like it's.
Rachel Casey (00:51:02):
Well,
Rachel Casey (00:51:02):
I gave Colin a really good and I know we can start to kind of wrap it up as we're
Rachel Casey (00:51:07):
kind of nearing the hour.
Rachel Casey (00:51:08):
I did ask Colin a question.
Rachel Casey (00:51:10):
Would you rather take away all of like the alcohol promotions or would you rather
Rachel Casey (00:51:17):
have the equal match of marketing for recovery and help of alcohol addictions?
Rachel Casey (00:51:24):
So like that's all Budweiser commercials, all of, you know, the Tito's commercials.
Rachel Casey (00:51:31):
take those away or would you rather just have it equally matched with recovery outreach?
Rachel Casey (00:51:38):
I have an opinion, but I want to hear Colin's opinion.
Colin Casey (00:51:41):
Well, I mean, I definitely think advertising plays a huge part in it.
Rachel Casey (00:51:45):
But would you rather take it away or would you rather match with mental health advertising?
Colin Casey (00:51:48):
Well, I would rather take it away.
Colin Casey (00:51:53):
Yeah.
Colin Casey (00:51:53):
And she brought up a point like there's a very in downtown Dallas,
Colin Casey (00:51:58):
a billboard that has it's a Miller Lite billboard and it has a waterfall.
Colin Casey (00:52:02):
He doesn't want to let it go.
Colin Casey (00:52:04):
And it's like I've seen that billboard forever and thought it was the coolest thing
Colin Casey (00:52:08):
at five years old like this.
Colin Casey (00:52:09):
Oh, it's the waterfall billboard.
Colin Casey (00:52:10):
And then when I grew up, I realized it was for Miller Lite.
Colin Casey (00:52:13):
But, you know, it's like I don't want to get rid of that billboard.
Colin Casey (00:52:16):
That's such a big thing in my childhood.
Colin Casey (00:52:18):
But I would say it would be nice to have mental health and awareness now.
Colin Casey (00:52:24):
those budget those things be matched with that but you know the same with like
Rachel Casey (00:52:28):
1-800 gambling that they give the the i really think that that should be at the
Colin Casey (00:52:33):
same for alcohol yeah i really do might be the new addiction that takes over i
Colin Casey (00:52:38):
think the youth cigarettes did and alcohol okay but now i want to hear there now
Rachel Casey (00:52:43):
what which one would you go for
Rachel Casey (00:52:46):
I would vote for 50-50.
Rachel Casey (00:52:49):
Because I don't think we're ever going to be able to stop people from...
Rachel Casey (00:52:55):
the socially acceptable drug.
Rachel Casey (00:52:57):
And so,
Rachel Casey (00:52:58):
and I've seen,
Rachel Casey (00:52:59):
I don't know,
Rachel Casey (00:53:00):
it's because my Instagram's all,
Rachel Casey (00:53:02):
everyone I follow is all mental health and positive and stuff.
Rachel Casey (00:53:05):
But I feel like my Instagram is, what I see is very pro mental health.
Rachel Casey (00:53:12):
And if that trend continues as well, you know, I think that serves a
Rachel Casey (00:53:20):
the purpose of matching the drug and alcohol advertising.
Rachel Casey (00:53:25):
I do want to say something about, so I think,
Rachel Casey (00:53:28):
People are drinking less.
Rachel Casey (00:53:29):
I think people are getting more counseling.
Rachel Casey (00:53:33):
COVID was a big help with that and that all the counseling became available to do online prior to COVID.
Rachel Casey (00:53:39):
A lot of insurance companies wouldn't pay for online or Zoom counseling.
Rachel Casey (00:53:44):
But one of the things I had to bring it down or one of the things I want to make
Rachel Casey (00:53:48):
people aware of and the research is showing that.
Rachel Casey (00:53:51):
alcohol is coming down but the use of marijuana and the abuse of marijuana is going
Rachel Casey (00:53:56):
oh my god 100 yeah i literally did a screenshot of an article yesterday of a
Rachel Casey (00:54:02):
podcast that it was like an example of a newsletter and it was like how to convince
Rachel Casey (00:54:08):
your friends to smoke marijuana with you and i was like no no no no we're not
Rachel Casey (00:54:12):
trying to convince people to start marijuana
Colin Casey (00:54:16):
And that also might be with the THC infused drinks that companies are starting to do.
Colin Casey (00:54:25):
Like we have, there's someone that podcasts we like and listen to.
Rachel Casey (00:54:30):
And he went to rehab, got sober.
Colin Casey (00:54:32):
Well, I wouldn't consider him sober.
Colin Casey (00:54:33):
I would just consider him not drinking alcohol.
Colin Casey (00:54:36):
But you're right.
Colin Casey (00:54:38):
The rise of smoking marijuana, it seems to be.
Colin Casey (00:54:41):
And I think a lot of it was that the THC being in, you know,
Rachel Casey (00:54:46):
at breweries and they make it look like kids candy like they're like oh it's
Rachel Casey (00:54:50):
edibles it's skittles it's like this cool kool-aid and i'm like there are they've
Rachel Casey (00:54:56):
talked about on the news the uprise of kids being brought into the er because they
Rachel Casey (00:55:00):
accidentally ate their parents thc infused because what happens when you get stoned
Rachel Casey (00:55:06):
you get a little lazy you forget and you leave it out and your kids are you're
Rachel Casey (00:55:10):
thinking oh they won't grab it it looks like gummy bears because it is gummy bears
Rachel Casey (00:55:14):
they probably say it tastes weird
Rachel Casey (00:55:18):
But they don't care.
Rachel Casey (00:55:18):
I mean, Evan would still, you know, he's not going to spit it out.
Rachel Casey (00:55:22):
You're right.
Colin Casey (00:55:22):
That was one thing I haven't thought about.
Colin Casey (00:55:24):
Sorry.
Rachel Casey (00:55:26):
Strong feelings about... No, I think that was more aware of...
Rachel Casey (00:55:32):
yeah well i don't think y'all are wrong because i mean weed is not legal in alabama
Rachel Casey (00:55:38):
it's not even like medically regular it's not even medically prescribed yet but
Rachel Casey (00:55:44):
they're like i can go to piggly wiggly and there's thc drinks on the shelf so i'm
Rachel Casey (00:55:48):
like i don't know how this is happening i've had thc drink sales reps come into the
Rachel Casey (00:55:53):
pub and be like will you sell this at the pub and i'm like
Rachel Casey (00:55:57):
I, it's not legal in Alabama.
Rachel Casey (00:55:59):
Like I'm not going to be the test bunny.
Rachel Casey (00:56:01):
My restaurant isn't going to be the test bunny to like figure out, is this going to slide?
Rachel Casey (00:56:05):
Like, I don't know, but also I think that it is becoming like prevalent.
Rachel Casey (00:56:09):
That's for sure.
Rachel Casey (00:56:11):
Yeah,
Rachel Casey (00:56:11):
because if you sell THC beer and then someone were to get in the wreck or they were,
Rachel Casey (00:56:16):
how is there a limit on what you could order?
Rachel Casey (00:56:18):
Because really,
Rachel Casey (00:56:18):
as a bartender taking like Texas alcohol beverage,
Rachel Casey (00:56:23):
the TABC,
Rachel Casey (00:56:24):
you know,
Rachel Casey (00:56:25):
you're supposed to have a limit on what you can serve or if someone.
Rachel Casey (00:56:32):
I wonder what the drink for THC would be if someone left your restaurant.
Rachel Casey (00:56:37):
and you know something happens in the parking lot or like what do you have to do is
Rachel Casey (00:56:41):
cut off yeah it's very complicated and oh yeah that makes me oh there's reps going
Rachel Casey (00:56:50):
back to the original question i think that promoting more like
Rachel Casey (00:56:57):
like sober stuff would be great as well.
Rachel Casey (00:57:01):
But I think that there's like BetterHelp.
Rachel Casey (00:57:04):
I feel like every YouTube video right now,
Rachel Casey (00:57:07):
every podcast,
Rachel Casey (00:57:08):
BetterHelp is one of the ads that's been coming up,
Rachel Casey (00:57:12):
which I think is great.
Colin Casey (00:57:14):
Last question as far as getting sober and staying sober.
Colin Casey (00:57:19):
What were kind of because you did mention at the very beginning that it was a
Colin Casey (00:57:23):
progressive disease and you always did things.
Colin Casey (00:57:25):
I think you said swim and some other activities.
Colin Casey (00:57:28):
So when you first got sober, what activities did you kind of go back to?
Colin Casey (00:57:33):
I know one for me was I used to I played a lot of tennis as a junior.
Colin Casey (00:57:38):
I went back to kind of playing more tennis because it was an activity I did.
Colin Casey (00:57:43):
before I associated it with drinking.
Colin Casey (00:57:46):
So even though there was time in my life where drinking and tennis was together,
Colin Casey (00:57:50):
there was also a time in my life where tennis was just tennis.
Colin Casey (00:57:54):
It wasn't a drinking.
Colin Casey (00:57:56):
It wasn't combined with drinking.
Colin Casey (00:57:58):
So I could fall back on activities that would bring me back to that time where,
Colin Casey (00:58:03):
you know,
Colin Casey (00:58:04):
I had fun without alcohol.
Colin Casey (00:58:06):
And so I was curious, did you have any activities that you
Colin Casey (00:58:10):
fell back on or did to help you stay sober in the beginning?
Colin Casey (00:58:14):
And then what are those activities now?
Colin Casey (00:58:16):
Have they changed, evolved, or are they still the same?
Rachel Casey (00:58:19):
That is a great question.
Rachel Casey (00:58:23):
And the short answer is that
Rachel Casey (00:58:27):
You know,
Rachel Casey (00:58:28):
I would say that because I was a distance swimmer,
Rachel Casey (00:58:34):
which evolved into triathlons and things like that.
Rachel Casey (00:58:37):
That was an addiction for me and fitness up until having children.
Rachel Casey (00:58:44):
So,
Rachel Casey (00:58:44):
yeah,
Rachel Casey (00:58:44):
no,
Rachel Casey (00:58:44):
I didn't fall back into swimming or fitness or any of those things because it would
Rachel Casey (00:58:48):
have been a trigger.
Rachel Casey (00:58:49):
Honestly,
Rachel Casey (00:58:50):
the thing that I did and I did it to an extreme,
Rachel Casey (00:58:54):
like I'll do what I did is I embraced myself too much into my sobriety program,
Rachel Casey (00:59:01):
too much into the 12 step program and eating,
Rachel Casey (00:59:05):
living,
Rachel Casey (00:59:05):
breathing,
Rachel Casey (00:59:06):
which is part of how the book evolved,
Rachel Casey (00:59:08):
too,
Rachel Casey (00:59:08):
because I excluded my family from that.
Rachel Casey (00:59:12):
So, yeah, I I've learned and the thing I preach all the time is balance.
Rachel Casey (00:59:20):
And that is that I have to devote a healthy amount of time to sleep is my number
Rachel Casey (00:59:25):
one self-help tool,
Rachel Casey (00:59:26):
by the way.
Rachel Casey (00:59:27):
But, you know, nutrition and sleep, social outlets, emotional outlets, I still have.
Rachel Casey (00:59:35):
do a twice a month female group therapy, which I love.
Rachel Casey (00:59:40):
I still go to meetings.
Rachel Casey (00:59:42):
I do.
Rachel Casey (00:59:43):
Now I have changed.
Rachel Casey (00:59:44):
I have evolved in my program to doing a lot of adult child of alcoholics meetings
Rachel Casey (00:59:50):
because once I got sober,
Rachel Casey (00:59:53):
I,
Rachel Casey (00:59:55):
I began to,
Rachel Casey (00:59:56):
and had a foundation for,
Rachel Casey (00:59:59):
of strength so that I could deal with some of the trauma in the past.
Rachel Casey (01:00:03):
I realized I could only get so far in my recovery until I dealt with those issues.
Rachel Casey (01:00:09):
So I continue to address that.
Rachel Casey (01:00:12):
So, I mean, so what is it?
Rachel Casey (01:00:13):
It's mental, physical, social, and spiritual.
Rachel Casey (01:00:18):
I mean, I try to keep a balance in all of those things.
Rachel Casey (01:00:21):
My probably best self-help tools are balance, sleep, journaling,
Rachel Casey (01:00:28):
um, go into meetings.
Rachel Casey (01:00:30):
I'm kind of boring, you know, I'm boring at all to me.
Rachel Casey (01:00:34):
I'm like, that's how I was at first too.
Rachel Casey (01:00:36):
Like, I mean, I really was, I got addicted to me.
Rachel Casey (01:00:41):
I mean,
Rachel Casey (01:00:42):
I was going to three or four a day at one point,
Rachel Casey (01:00:44):
but I,
Rachel Casey (01:00:44):
it's kind of like,
Rachel Casey (01:00:45):
I didn't trust myself to go anywhere else,
Rachel Casey (01:00:46):
you know?
Rachel Casey (01:00:48):
Yeah.
Rachel Casey (01:00:48):
But it's been with a kid.
Rachel Casey (01:00:50):
It's a lot.
Rachel Casey (01:00:50):
I mean, it's just as a parent, it's a lot, uh, right.
Rachel Casey (01:00:53):
Yeah.
Rachel Casey (01:00:55):
And it,
Rachel Casey (01:00:57):
any other uh thank katie thank you you've been amazing but i appreciate your
Rachel Casey (01:01:02):
honesty and just talking about how it is from your perspective of oh thank y'all
Rachel Casey (01:01:08):
thank you so much for having us and yeah letting me tag along with my mom hey i
Rachel Casey (01:01:14):
mean you and have your own story too
Rachel Casey (01:01:18):
She does.
Rachel Casey (01:01:19):
She has a great story.
Rachel Casey (01:01:20):
And I,
Rachel Casey (01:01:21):
again,
Rachel Casey (01:01:21):
I want to emphasize because when I was in treatment,
Rachel Casey (01:01:25):
so many of us and,
Rachel Casey (01:01:27):
and I went from treatment to halfway house.
Rachel Casey (01:01:29):
So many of us were estranged from our kids.
Rachel Casey (01:01:33):
And, and I want to reassure people and give people hope that you can repair that relationship.
Rachel Casey (01:01:40):
I mean, I would never give up on my dad if I were you.
Rachel Casey (01:01:44):
You know, I wouldn't waste energy, emotional energy into it.
Rachel Casey (01:01:50):
But, you know, there's always hope and prayer.
Rachel Casey (01:01:53):
So, which is a big thing.
Rachel Casey (01:01:56):
You gotta have boundaries if you still.
Rachel Casey (01:01:58):
That was the point.
Rachel Casey (01:02:00):
Yeah.
Rachel Casey (01:02:02):
But I've seen miracles happen.
Rachel Casey (01:02:04):
I do not give up on that.
Rachel Casey (01:02:09):
I have, I don't, anything is possible.
Rachel Casey (01:02:18):
My dad quit drinking unexpectedly over a doctor telling him that alcohol was the
Rachel Casey (01:02:24):
biggest contributing factor to his memory loss.
Rachel Casey (01:02:28):
And he stopped drinking.
Rachel Casey (01:02:31):
I have hope.
Rachel Casey (01:02:32):
Well, and that goes back to the disease is insidious.
Rachel Casey (01:02:36):
You know, it's just...
Rachel Casey (01:02:38):
doesn't make sense it's hard it's hard you it's all all i can do is be like yeah i
Rachel Casey (01:02:45):
i know how you feel and um and i love him i i love him where he's at you know and
Rachel Casey (01:02:53):
maybe there'll be a miracle maybe one day that would be that'd be awesome but i
Rachel Casey (01:02:59):
don't know one day at a time
Rachel Casey (01:03:02):
Well, again, thank y'all both for coming on.
Rachel Casey (01:03:05):
I want to say... Thanks for having us.
Colin Casey (01:03:09):
Thank you.
Rachel Casey (01:03:09):
Y'all are amazing hosts, by the way.
Rachel Casey (01:03:11):
I'm excited to listen to more to come.
Colin Casey (01:03:14):
We're still nervous and awkward and all the things you were saying.
Rachel Casey (01:03:19):
Yeah, I can see Colin's little spots all light up red.
Rachel Casey (01:03:21):
That's when he gets nervous.
Rachel Casey (01:03:22):
That's how I know.
Rachel Casey (01:03:23):
I'm like, oh, his little birthmark starts standing out.
Rachel Casey (01:03:26):
It's funny.
Rachel Casey (01:03:26):
But y'all made me less nervous.
Rachel Casey (01:03:28):
And I feel like I was like...
Rachel Casey (01:03:31):
yeah good we're not we try to just be people we're like we're not we don't know we
Rachel Casey (01:03:39):
know we don't know we're just trying to know what works for us that's all that's
Rachel Casey (01:03:44):
all we are not we've not claimed to be experts i'm like maybe when i graduate i can
Rachel Casey (01:03:49):
put something but even then i mean
Rachel Casey (01:03:54):
there's the podcast no y'all are doing great right right i really enjoyed this yeah
Rachel Casey (01:04:02):
awesome well thank you guys i i hope maybe even after the book come as comes out we
Rachel Casey (01:04:08):
can do a follow-up and see how it's going but i will definitely put everything in
Rachel Casey (01:04:12):
the show notes and um yeah blog book everything i really appreciate it because and
Rachel Casey (01:04:19):
honestly my kids have heard me say this
Rachel Casey (01:04:22):
But for me, it really is about the service work.
Rachel Casey (01:04:26):
We went through hell, me and my kids, and I don't want anyone to have to do that.
Rachel Casey (01:04:31):
So it really is about, it's not about making money.
Rachel Casey (01:04:35):
It's about getting the book out there into hands of other alcoholics like me who
Rachel Casey (01:04:40):
don't know how to repair their relationships and want money.
Rachel Casey (01:04:44):
to build them back.
Rachel Casey (01:04:46):
Oh, no, I hope I can.
Rachel Casey (01:04:48):
I want to write a book one day.
Rachel Casey (01:04:49):
It's just,
Rachel Casey (01:04:50):
and I've started little chapters here and there,
Rachel Casey (01:04:52):
but it's,
Rachel Casey (01:04:52):
it's hard and it takes a lot of work.
Rachel Casey (01:04:55):
So, I mean, and I don't think there's this hard line of being like,
Rachel Casey (01:05:00):
you don't you want to just share the word but there is also like you're worthy of
Rachel Casey (01:05:05):
making money on that because you put a lot of hard work into it outside of just
Rachel Casey (01:05:08):
your experience you know the sitting down the writing the time the editing the
Rachel Casey (01:05:13):
people that you're having to hire to bring on and it's like it's a real that's
Rachel Casey (01:05:17):
where the um adult children of alcoholics comes in because you're like
Rachel Casey (01:05:22):
want to be so codependent and you're like no no just have it for free like how but
Rachel Casey (01:05:26):
at the same time you know it's like hey i'm worth something okay like i can i i'm
Rachel Casey (01:05:32):
valuable but there's that little voice in your head that's like just give it away
Rachel Casey (01:05:36):
yeah i get it i get it it's a very that's the balance of that's what i think i
Rachel Casey (01:05:44):
would need i need someone to be my boss that's why i don't think i can be my own
Rachel Casey (01:05:48):
boss because i will fight with that back and forth so
Rachel Casey (01:05:53):
Yeah, I would have to hire an agent.
Rachel Casey (01:05:55):
There would be zero profit.
Rachel Casey (01:05:58):
I'd be like.
Rachel Casey (01:05:59):
But if you want to do it just a little bit at a time,
Rachel Casey (01:06:01):
like I've seen like my mom go through highs and lows and slow points and steady points.
Rachel Casey (01:06:07):
And it's like times when she needed a break from like do it.
Rachel Casey (01:06:10):
But it's just the repetition of.
Rachel Casey (01:06:13):
continuing and circling back to it and even if it's like 30 minutes in the morning
Rachel Casey (01:06:17):
of like some kind of writing even if it's not writing um like brainstorming or
Rachel Casey (01:06:22):
outlining or something like that's why I feel very um grateful that I've been able
Rachel Casey (01:06:28):
to watch this whole process because I do think dreams can come true with just hard
Rachel Casey (01:06:34):
work and dedication and that's why my mom's gone from like
Rachel Casey (01:06:40):
at one point, like an enemy to now, like my like biggest inspiration.
Rachel Casey (01:06:46):
And I'm just so proud to be my mom's daughter.
Rachel Casey (01:06:51):
That's amazing.
Rachel Casey (01:06:52):
So that's what sobriety can do.
Rachel Casey (01:06:54):
Awesome.
Rachel Casey (01:06:55):
So thank you guys for joining us on Summer Panther.
Janice J Dowd (01:06:59):
Thank you.
Janice J Dowd (01:07:00):
Bye.
Janice J Dowd (01:07:01):
Bye.
Colin Casey (01:07:02):
Bye.
