Paulina Pinsky celebrates 3 years sober!

Rachel Casey (00:00:09):
hello and welcome to sober banter i'm rachel i'm colin and we have a special guest

Rachel Casey (00:00:15):
who is our one month off birthday twin she got sober on december 22nd just a few

Rachel Casey (00:00:24):
days before christmas like us to thanksgiving beat the holiday rush in 2021 and you

Rachel Casey (00:00:30):
want to say hi paulina and i'll

Rachel Casey (00:00:35):
Hello.

Paulina Pinsky (00:00:36):
Hello.

Paulina Pinsky (00:00:36):
We are the people who couldn't make it to New Year's.

Paulina Pinsky (00:00:39):
We are the people that couldn't make it to New Year's.

Rachel Casey (00:00:42):
Like, yeah, I didn't even think about that.

Colin Casey (00:00:45):
We had the courage to stop before New Year's.

Rachel Casey (00:00:49):
Had the desperation.

Paulina Pinsky (00:00:49):
That's one way of putting, I mean, yeah, I feel like God yanked the cord for me.

Paulina Pinsky (00:00:55):
Like the universe was like, we can't let this go on, you know?

Rachel Casey (00:00:59):
Yeah.

Paulina Pinsky (00:00:59):
But that was a good, and we'll get into that.

Paulina Pinsky (00:01:02):
I like the those of us who couldn't make it through the holidays.

Paulina Pinsky (00:01:05):
I'm like, that's how, you know, we wanted it.

Rachel Casey (00:01:08):
And I still struggle because I just like, again, I was in so deep.

Rachel Casey (00:01:14):
I didn't even think about the holidays being that week or I guess maybe

Rachel Casey (00:01:18):
Thanksgiving is a little lighter at like Christmas.

Rachel Casey (00:01:21):
I might just because the decorations are so heavy,

Rachel Casey (00:01:24):
like everywhere you look and you have to buy presents for

Rachel Casey (00:01:29):
Christmas versus Thanksgiving.

Rachel Casey (00:01:31):
It's not, I don't know.

Rachel Casey (00:01:34):
Yeah, it's really, I couldn't have picked a day.

Rachel Casey (00:01:38):
I can't, I just couldn't.

Paulina Pinsky (00:01:40):
I've recently encountered someone who planned a year in advance.

Paulina Pinsky (00:01:47):
How'd it go?

Paulina Pinsky (00:01:48):
Or how is it going?

Paulina Pinsky (00:01:49):
They have 90 days.

Paulina Pinsky (00:01:50):
That's awesome!

(00:01:51):
Wow.

Paulina Pinsky (00:01:52):
Yeah, where I'm like, you know what?

Paulina Pinsky (00:01:53):
There are the people who are like, I can control my sobriety day and I did not,

Paulina Pinsky (00:01:58):
there was no plan of me getting sober until i got sober oh no and uh it's i already

Rachel Casey (00:02:05):
saw someone kind of do that uh the podcast i said i used to work at one of the

Rachel Casey (00:02:13):
hosts went to rehab and um he inspired a lot of people and there was someone on

Rachel Casey (00:02:20):
twitter who's like i'm gonna go on the first next month

Rachel Casey (00:02:23):
And they take away your phone and he's like tweeting on the day two.

Rachel Casey (00:02:27):
And I'm like, he's like, well, maybe next month.

Rachel Casey (00:02:30):
And I'm like, it's just hard.

Rachel Casey (00:02:31):
And I'm not saying that in a judgmental way at all.

Rachel Casey (00:02:34):
I totally understand.

Rachel Casey (00:02:35):
Like, it's just really hard because then you get all nervous and you're like,

Colin Casey (00:02:41):
uh well it's one of those i'll stop tomorrow yeah and then tomorrow comes and it's

Rachel Casey (00:02:44):
like uh maybe tomorrow it was so much pressure and um i think the only way i could

Rachel Casey (00:02:49):
have done it is just it was almost like ripping the band-aid but i didn't know the

Rachel Casey (00:02:53):
band-aid was there okay but let's talk about who you are first because you honestly

Rachel Casey (00:03:00):
yeah you have so many things that i've enjoyed first off your sub stack kind of how

Rachel Casey (00:03:07):
we got in contact which is newly sober

Rachel Casey (00:03:11):
Can I just say, I love the under the no caps.

Rachel Casey (00:03:16):
And I like seriously,

Rachel Casey (00:03:20):
it's made me look at how I type how I because I'm really big about capitalize and

Rachel Casey (00:03:27):
explanation marks.

Rachel Casey (00:03:28):
And after reading quite a few years,

Rachel Casey (00:03:31):
I'm like the lowercase to,

Rachel Casey (00:03:32):
you know,

Rachel Casey (00:03:33):
define I don't have an authority and sobriety.

Rachel Casey (00:03:36):
It's literally it gives me goosebumps because I'm like, it's

Rachel Casey (00:03:40):
That's a level I hadn't thought about when it comes to like authority and voice and

Rachel Casey (00:03:48):
even it's not a lower of ownership.

Rachel Casey (00:03:51):
It's just like a more honest, like I don't speak for everyone.

Rachel Casey (00:03:56):
I'm speaking from my authority, you know, and it was creative.

Paulina Pinsky (00:04:01):
I appreciate that.

Paulina Pinsky (00:04:02):
I,

Paulina Pinsky (00:04:03):
um,

Paulina Pinsky (00:04:03):
I think part of that stems from the fact that I started writing a newsletter when I

Paulina Pinsky (00:04:07):
was like 70 days sober,

Paulina Pinsky (00:04:09):
which is unhinged insane.

Paulina Pinsky (00:04:12):
Don't recommend it.

Paulina Pinsky (00:04:13):
You know, like, like I look back and I'm just like,

Paulina Pinsky (00:04:17):
Like I've always been very public about any sort of thing I'm going through.

Paulina Pinsky (00:04:21):
And so for me as a person,

Paulina Pinsky (00:04:23):
as an artist,

Paulina Pinsky (00:04:24):
as a writer,

Paulina Pinsky (00:04:25):
it made sense in the moment to be like,

Paulina Pinsky (00:04:27):
I look around and I'm a marijuana addict in recovery and I don't see anyone talking

Paulina Pinsky (00:04:33):
about marijuana addiction.

Paulina Pinsky (00:04:35):
All of the sort of addiction recovery books are from five years out.

Paulina Pinsky (00:04:40):
which is great, but it all felt, I felt like I was reading the same thing over and over again.

Paulina Pinsky (00:04:46):
And as a nonfiction creative writer myself,

Paulina Pinsky (00:04:50):
I had to write through what the insane experience that I was going through the life

Paulina Pinsky (00:04:55):
altering psychic change that had just encountered,

Paulina Pinsky (00:04:58):
just endured.

Paulina Pinsky (00:05:00):
And so part of it was I was like,

Paulina Pinsky (00:05:02):
afraid of old timers being like,

Paulina Pinsky (00:05:05):
she doesn't know what she's talking about,

Paulina Pinsky (00:05:07):
you know,

Rachel Casey (00:05:07):
you're doing it right.

Rachel Casey (00:05:10):
So I mean, that's just like that.

Rachel Casey (00:05:12):
I think that's a way of passage.

Rachel Casey (00:05:15):
What did we call yesterday?

Rachel Casey (00:05:17):
The pirates of the room.

Rachel Casey (00:05:19):
The pirates of the room.

Rachel Casey (00:05:20):
Guarding the treasure.

Rachel Casey (00:05:21):
Yeah.

Paulina Pinsky (00:05:22):
I love that.

Paulina Pinsky (00:05:24):
Yeah.

Paulina Pinsky (00:05:24):
I mean, I totally, you know, I totally did not feel like I had authority, but I also felt like

Paulina Pinsky (00:05:30):
my experience was the only authority I had.

Paulina Pinsky (00:05:33):
And,

Paulina Pinsky (00:05:33):
you know,

Paulina Pinsky (00:05:34):
as a writer,

Paulina Pinsky (00:05:35):
you know,

Paulina Pinsky (00:05:35):
I think about grammar all the time and it felt liberating to say,

Paulina Pinsky (00:05:38):
okay,

Paulina Pinsky (00:05:39):
like one way to really convey that I don't have authority is through this

Paulina Pinsky (00:05:43):
grammatical stylistic choice.

Paulina Pinsky (00:05:45):
And so I'm glad it resonated.

Paulina Pinsky (00:05:47):
Yeah.

Rachel Casey (00:05:49):
It was definitely,

Rachel Casey (00:05:50):
again,

Rachel Casey (00:05:51):
in newsletters,

Rachel Casey (00:05:52):
podcasts,

Rachel Casey (00:05:53):
TV shows,

Rachel Casey (00:05:54):
you're wanting that different spin,

Rachel Casey (00:05:56):
that different angle,

Rachel Casey (00:05:57):
like what makes this

Rachel Casey (00:05:59):
And that caught immediately.

Rachel Casey (00:06:02):
I loved it.

Rachel Casey (00:06:04):
Thank you.

Rachel Casey (00:06:05):
But beyond that too, you've also co-authored a book.

Rachel Casey (00:06:09):
And my parents,

Rachel Casey (00:06:12):
when I had said that could have been a helpful tool,

Rachel Casey (00:06:15):
I say parents,

Rachel Casey (00:06:16):
I mean my mom,

Rachel Casey (00:06:17):
man,

Rachel Casey (00:06:18):
the sex talk did not happen with us.

Rachel Casey (00:06:21):
I think they slid a magazine journal under my... Yeah, it's just like,

Rachel Casey (00:06:28):
I had said, could I imagine, like, writing a book with my dad and my mom laughing so hard?

Rachel Casey (00:06:34):
And I'm like, no way.

Rachel Casey (00:06:36):
Like, there's just like, I don't know.

Rachel Casey (00:06:39):
Or even my mom.

Rachel Casey (00:06:41):
Actually, not even him.

Rachel Casey (00:06:42):
I would not write it.

Rachel Casey (00:06:45):
Like, I'm so not raised that way.

Rachel Casey (00:06:48):
And I think I wish I was.

Rachel Casey (00:06:50):
It impacted me for a long time.

Colin Casey (00:06:52):
My sex talk came from my lesbian mom.

Colin Casey (00:06:54):
So that was a really eye opening.

Rachel Casey (00:06:57):
You should tell that story because you said that the first time you blacked out sober.

Colin Casey (00:07:01):
No, that came later.

Colin Casey (00:07:04):
I could tell that story.

Paulina Pinsky (00:07:06):
I need to hear all of it.

Colin Casey (00:07:08):
My parents divorced because my mom came out.

Colin Casey (00:07:13):
I never really got the sex talk from my dad, but I did from my mom.

Colin Casey (00:07:18):
And I used to when I used to do open mic stand ups,

Colin Casey (00:07:21):
one of my bits was something like I didn't get the birds and the bees speech.

Colin Casey (00:07:26):
I got the bees and the bees speech.

Rachel Casey (00:07:31):
Well, I thought you were like when you went to College Station for the first time.

Colin Casey (00:07:35):
There was another time I was thinking I was 18 years old.

Colin Casey (00:07:39):
This was the first time I've ever blacked out sober because I still don't remember

Colin Casey (00:07:45):
what happened.

Colin Casey (00:07:45):
I just remember what led to it.

Colin Casey (00:07:47):
But I was going to College Station with a friend freshman year of college.

Colin Casey (00:07:51):
So I'm waiting in the living room for my buddy to pick me up because we're going to

Colin Casey (00:07:54):
drive down there.

Colin Casey (00:07:55):
It's three hours from Dallas to get to A&M.

Colin Casey (00:07:58):
And my mom wasn't there, but my mom's partner was there.

Colin Casey (00:08:03):
And she was like, OK, do you have everything?

Colin Casey (00:08:05):
And I go, yeah, I got my backpack out that Danny should be here soon and we'll go.

Colin Casey (00:08:10):
She's like, OK, that's great.

Colin Casey (00:08:11):
That's great.

Colin Casey (00:08:12):
I have a quick question, Colin.

Colin Casey (00:08:14):
What are you going to do when a girl wants to suck on your penis?

Colin Casey (00:08:18):
And I was just like, uh, and I do not remember what happened.

Colin Casey (00:08:23):
I just remember being in Danny's car, just shell shocked still.

Colin Casey (00:08:27):
And he's like, why are you like white as a ghost?

Colin Casey (00:08:31):
And he's like, I was like, this just happened.

Colin Casey (00:08:33):
I have no recollection of

Rachel Casey (00:08:35):
He doesn't remember what he responded with.

Rachel Casey (00:08:37):
He doesn't remember if he just walked away.

Colin Casey (00:08:40):
Just so out of the blue, out of nowhere from my mom's a lesbian partner to throw that out at me.

Paulina Pinsky (00:08:48):
Yeah, also just like one of the most like

Paulina Pinsky (00:08:51):
insane way to say that,

Paulina Pinsky (00:08:53):
like,

Paulina Pinsky (00:08:53):
I can't help but be like only a lesbian would be like when she wants to suck on

Paulina Pinsky (00:08:57):
your penis,

Paulina Pinsky (00:08:57):
you know,

Paulina Pinsky (00:08:58):
like that is feels like a very lesbian framing of what that is,

Paulina Pinsky (00:09:02):
you know,

Paulina Pinsky (00:09:02):
not.

Rachel Casey (00:09:02):
Yeah, she wants to be a blow, you know, like it's like, oh, my God.

Colin Casey (00:09:07):
Well, she's a counselor, too.

Rachel Casey (00:09:09):
I know.

Rachel Casey (00:09:10):
And again,

Colin Casey (00:09:12):
She's a marriage counselor before she retired for a long time.

Rachel Casey (00:09:16):
The legend has it.

Rachel Casey (00:09:17):
That was the day your alcoholism started.

Colin Casey (00:09:21):
Yeah.

Rachel Casey (00:09:21):
Because then you went to A&M that weekend, and I'm sure you're like, we got to go.

Colin Casey (00:09:26):
We did drink a bottle of Sky Vodka that night.

Colin Casey (00:09:29):
I know that.

Colin Casey (00:09:30):
I would I mean, you know, when you're 18, that was really nice stuff.

Rachel Casey (00:09:35):
So that is high level at 18.

Rachel Casey (00:09:38):
All I'm saying is kudos.

Rachel Casey (00:09:39):
I think that that's really just it.

Rachel Casey (00:09:41):
That's something again, I don't feel there's as much resources.

Rachel Casey (00:09:46):
There's a lot of resources from adults certified

Rachel Casey (00:09:53):
counselors,

Rachel Casey (00:09:53):
social workers,

Rachel Casey (00:09:54):
peoples with masters in,

Rachel Casey (00:09:56):
you know,

Rachel Casey (00:09:58):
sex education,

Rachel Casey (00:09:58):
but having the perspective from the person getting the talk is,

Rachel Casey (00:10:06):
it's really,

Rachel Casey (00:10:06):
I think,

Rachel Casey (00:10:07):
again,

Rachel Casey (00:10:07):
very unique spin,

Rachel Casey (00:10:09):
very helpful,

Rachel Casey (00:10:11):
because I know I wouldn't,

Rachel Casey (00:10:14):
I don't,

Rachel Casey (00:10:14):
I wouldn't know even where to start if I were to write from the other side,

Rachel Casey (00:10:17):
because it didn't really happen.

Rachel Casey (00:10:20):
And

Rachel Casey (00:10:20):
Well, I mean, you know, it also didn't really happen for me either.

Paulina Pinsky (00:10:24):
And I think that's the irony of this is like, so the book is a teen guide to consent.

Paulina Pinsky (00:10:28):
It's called It Doesn't Have to be Awkward.

Paulina Pinsky (00:10:31):
I wrote it with my dad.

Paulina Pinsky (00:10:34):
You know, at the time I had just graduated from a prestigious MFA program.

Paulina Pinsky (00:10:41):
I was like,

Paulina Pinsky (00:10:42):
my addiction was like accelerating,

Paulina Pinsky (00:10:44):
but it was like,

Paulina Pinsky (00:10:44):
you know how they say it's like magic medicine misery.

Paulina Pinsky (00:10:47):
Like I was in the magic phase, but it was accelerating in like a kind of profound way.

Paulina Pinsky (00:10:52):
And three months after I had graduated,

Paulina Pinsky (00:10:56):
I was selling t-shirts at my dad's podcasting event in New York City because my mom

Paulina Pinsky (00:11:02):
was like,

Paulina Pinsky (00:11:02):
what are you doing August 17th?

Paulina Pinsky (00:11:04):
And I was like, oh, are you guys in town?

Paulina Pinsky (00:11:06):
She's like, I need you to sell t-shirts.

Paulina Pinsky (00:11:09):
So I'm selling t-shirts that say like Dr. Drew After Dark.

Paulina Pinsky (00:11:12):
And what was it?

Rachel Casey (00:11:16):
Did you want to do any of that?

Paulina Pinsky (00:11:18):
No, of course not.

Rachel Casey (00:11:18):
Okay.

Rachel Casey (00:11:19):
I was like...

Rachel Casey (00:11:20):
I don't know if I'd volunteer or...

Paulina Pinsky (00:11:21):
I've done some stuff with my parents,

Colin Casey (00:11:23):
but...

Colin Casey (00:11:23):
That's voluntold.

Colin Casey (00:11:24):
Yeah.

Paulina Pinsky (00:11:25):
Yeah.

Paulina Pinsky (00:11:25):
Like,

Paulina Pinsky (00:11:25):
I think my parents both have a history of,

Paulina Pinsky (00:11:29):
like,

Paulina Pinsky (00:11:29):
my mom's dad ran a hardware store,

Paulina Pinsky (00:11:31):
so she worked in the hardware store,

Paulina Pinsky (00:11:33):
and my dad's dad was a doctor,

Paulina Pinsky (00:11:34):
and he inherited his...

Paulina Pinsky (00:11:35):
in practice.

Paulina Pinsky (00:11:36):
So there's a lot of, like, family business, like, child labor thing going on.

Rachel Casey (00:11:41):
Like, everyone also... Child labor.

Rachel Casey (00:11:42):
Like, I mean, it's the only... We do have... I will...

Rachel Casey (00:11:47):
I'm bad with Evan.

Rachel Casey (00:11:48):
Sometimes if I can't get in the sparked mood to do something,

Rachel Casey (00:11:50):
I'm like,

Rachel Casey (00:11:51):
if I pay you $5,

Rachel Casey (00:11:52):
you want to do it with me?

Rachel Casey (00:11:53):
So I'm not like,

Rachel Casey (00:11:54):
know at least you're paying you know oh no that makes it even worse oh no no sorry

Paulina Pinsky (00:12:01):
i did not get paid and yeah so the other t-shirt yeah the other teacher said like

Paulina Pinsky (00:12:06):
you shouldn't prolapse your anus like that's these are the shirts that i'm selling

Paulina Pinsky (00:12:09):
at this podcasting event that's not my dad at all no no and i'm just you know

Paulina Pinsky (00:12:15):
chugging vodka sodas and my dad walks up and he's like so we sold the consent book

Paulina Pinsky (00:12:21):
today and i was like

Paulina Pinsky (00:12:23):
what consent book?

Paulina Pinsky (00:12:24):
He's like, you know, the consent book, we talked about it.

Paulina Pinsky (00:12:26):
And I was like, could not, could not conjure the memory.

Paulina Pinsky (00:12:30):
And so for a long time,

Paulina Pinsky (00:12:31):
I called it the consent book I didn't consent to,

Paulina Pinsky (00:12:35):
which,

Paulina Pinsky (00:12:36):
you know,

Paulina Pinsky (00:12:37):
catchy title.

Rachel Casey (00:12:37):
It is a really catchy title.

Rachel Casey (00:12:39):
Yeah.

Rachel Casey (00:12:39):
Yeah.

Paulina Pinsky (00:12:40):
but can't you like feel the resentment in it you know it's just like it's like

Paulina Pinsky (00:12:44):
crackling um so we wrote it in six months and all the while like i was just i i i

Paulina Pinsky (00:12:52):
stand by that book that book saved my life but i was stoned writing the entire

Paulina Pinsky (00:12:57):
thing i mean like

Rachel Casey (00:12:59):
yeah to get through i you know i think i could say you could say you know we've

Rachel Casey (00:13:04):
accomplished accomplished things in our addiction um as it was progressing but like

Rachel Casey (00:13:10):
it was kind of that's how i look at the i don't regret the past because i needed

Rachel Casey (00:13:15):
that tool at that time because what would i have done you know um that was survival

Paulina Pinsky (00:13:24):
True.

Paulina Pinsky (00:13:24):
And I appreciate that.

Paulina Pinsky (00:13:26):
I appreciate that.

Paulina Pinsky (00:13:27):
Because I definitely because I'm an alcoholic and addict,

Paulina Pinsky (00:13:31):
I definitely have that black and white like that was bad.

Paulina Pinsky (00:13:34):
And now I am good, you know, and it's like, actually, that that was all I was.

Paulina Pinsky (00:13:40):
That's how I could do it.

Paulina Pinsky (00:13:42):
Because it was a uncomfortable topic.

Paulina Pinsky (00:13:46):
But also, you know, service the sex talk.

Paulina Pinsky (00:13:50):
Yeah, no, it complete.

Paulina Pinsky (00:13:52):
I mean, I got handed a book deal.

Paulina Pinsky (00:13:54):
Like that'll never happen again, you know?

Paulina Pinsky (00:13:56):
That's not true.

Paulina Pinsky (00:13:57):
Don't say that.

Paulina Pinsky (00:13:59):
I mean, I didn't even have to sell it myself.

Paulina Pinsky (00:14:02):
Well, thank you.

Paulina Pinsky (00:14:03):
But I couldn't see it as the vote of confidence that it was that my dad needed me

Paulina Pinsky (00:14:11):
for that project.

Paulina Pinsky (00:14:11):
And,

Paulina Pinsky (00:14:12):
you know,

Paulina Pinsky (00:14:13):
ultimately the central tenant of that book is TCB,

Paulina Pinsky (00:14:16):
trust,

Paulina Pinsky (00:14:16):
compassion,

Paulina Pinsky (00:14:17):
and boundaries.

Paulina Pinsky (00:14:18):
So if you trust yourself, have compassion for yourself,

Paulina Pinsky (00:14:21):
know your own boundaries then you can trust someone else offer them compassion and

Paulina Pinsky (00:14:24):
respect their boundaries and um that writing that learning that promoting that is

Paulina Pinsky (00:14:32):
foundational to why i got sober okay and so it's this sort of serendipitous thing

Paulina Pinsky (00:14:39):
where it's like of course this thing that i resented and was you know an obstinate

Paulina Pinsky (00:14:43):
entitled you know accelerating drug addict about actually gave me the tools to

Paulina Pinsky (00:14:51):
climb out of an engagement addiction, you know?

Paulina Pinsky (00:14:57):
And so it's just funny how life is like that.

Rachel Casey (00:15:01):
Like, it's like... Life is so lifey.

Rachel Casey (00:15:02):
That's what we say.

Rachel Casey (00:15:04):
More like life.

Rachel Casey (00:15:06):
And... Well, I did...

Rachel Casey (00:15:08):
I want to ask, so I know that marijuana is like a big topic.

Rachel Casey (00:15:14):
So I think for me, I was more drink than smoke.

Rachel Casey (00:15:21):
I think you were more like you could smoke first and probably you would probably be

Rachel Casey (00:15:25):
okay just smoking and not having to add drinks.

Colin Casey (00:15:29):
I mean, there was a period where, yeah, I didn't really drink.

Colin Casey (00:15:32):
I was just, quote unquote, a stoner.

Colin Casey (00:15:36):
But I think a lot of it comes from,

Colin Casey (00:15:38):
you know,

Colin Casey (00:15:39):
this and you probably maybe thought this something similar and it's I don't know

Colin Casey (00:15:44):
how it started,

Colin Casey (00:15:45):
but

Colin Casey (00:15:46):
you get this idea that if you're smoking, you're not really addicted, it's just habit forming.

Colin Casey (00:15:52):
So it's not a real addiction.

Colin Casey (00:15:54):
You can quit anytime.

Colin Casey (00:15:55):
And it's my muse, because I always wanted to be some sort of sketch writer or stand-up comedian.

Colin Casey (00:16:01):
It's like, well, I really need to do this to get the juices flowing.

Colin Casey (00:16:04):
But I would never write anything.

Colin Casey (00:16:05):
I just end up watching Netflix all day long or something like that.

Colin Casey (00:16:09):
It just makes you lazy.

Colin Casey (00:16:11):
And then you want to be like, no, it doesn't make you lazy.

Colin Casey (00:16:13):
It's not a gateway drug.

Colin Casey (00:16:14):
It's not this, that.

Colin Casey (00:16:15):
But it really is all those things.

Colin Casey (00:16:17):
And it's that addiction or that disease in you that's telling you otherwise.

Rachel Casey (00:16:22):
also never had where i did there were some times i would just get really anxious

Rachel Casey (00:16:28):
like i mean or i would go down that dark and that was the only time i learned um

Rachel Casey (00:16:34):
like indica is in the couch and sativa sativa is like the inner

Rachel Casey (00:16:41):
I really, I think I stayed to Sativa.

Rachel Casey (00:16:45):
I don't even remember.

Rachel Casey (00:16:46):
It's been a while, but I would get scared because I would have a bad experience.

Rachel Casey (00:16:51):
And I can think in particular in Colorado,

Rachel Casey (00:16:56):
We took up more than our share of edibles and went to where you slide in the tubes

Rachel Casey (00:17:04):
down the snow.

Rachel Casey (00:17:05):
I had like a panic attack.

Rachel Casey (00:17:09):
He was having the best food of his life.

Rachel Casey (00:17:10):
And we had the same, we ate the same thing, but I like wanted

Rachel Casey (00:17:16):
to get out and he's just like chilling.

Colin Casey (00:17:19):
Well, I'm just not an ancient person in general.

Colin Casey (00:17:22):
I think that helps.

Rachel Casey (00:17:24):
And that is where I think it scared me sometimes.

Rachel Casey (00:17:28):
So it wasn't the same every time for me.

Rachel Casey (00:17:30):
Alcohol.

Rachel Casey (00:17:32):
The only one that was different was vodka vodka made me cry.

Rachel Casey (00:17:35):
And most of them, I like, I mean, I would cry happy, sad.

Rachel Casey (00:17:40):
I would be like, this puppy's so cute.

Rachel Casey (00:17:42):
And I would just bawl my eyes out if there was vodka in me.

Rachel Casey (00:17:46):
And yeah.

Paulina Pinsky (00:17:48):
So what do you... I think I can relate to that.

Paulina Pinsky (00:17:50):
I mean, I appreciate, like, both of you are emblematic of the spectrum of cannabis use.

Paulina Pinsky (00:17:59):
And I think, you know, whether it's...

Paulina Pinsky (00:18:02):
Yeah,

Paulina Pinsky (00:18:02):
well,

Paulina Pinsky (00:18:03):
it's like if you have an anxious reaction,

Paulina Pinsky (00:18:06):
you feel ashamed because you're not supposed to be anxious.

Paulina Pinsky (00:18:08):
It's supposed to be this euphoric thing, you know, when in reality, it does produce anxiety.

Paulina Pinsky (00:18:14):
And the more you use it,

Paulina Pinsky (00:18:16):
if you have anxiety or you use it for anxiety,

Paulina Pinsky (00:18:18):
it actually produces anxiety.

Paulina Pinsky (00:18:20):
So I think because of the rhetoric used to legalize,

Paulina Pinsky (00:18:24):
there's a lot of misinformation about the substance itself.

Paulina Pinsky (00:18:28):
And so,

Paulina Pinsky (00:18:29):
you know,

Paulina Pinsky (00:18:29):
when you become a daily user,

Paulina Pinsky (00:18:31):
it's easy to justify it and say,

Paulina Pinsky (00:18:33):
oh,

Paulina Pinsky (00:18:33):
it's medicine.

Paulina Pinsky (00:18:34):
Oh, it's a creativity thing.

Paulina Pinsky (00:18:36):
Oh, you know, it's non-addictive, all these things.

Paulina Pinsky (00:18:39):
And that totally fueled me,

Paulina Pinsky (00:18:41):
you know,

Paulina Pinsky (00:18:41):
like not,

Paulina Pinsky (00:18:42):
I mean,

Paulina Pinsky (00:18:43):
it did sort of the first time I truly got high,

Paulina Pinsky (00:18:46):
it was that sort of like,

Paulina Pinsky (00:18:47):
you know,

Paulina Pinsky (00:18:47):
you hear in the rooms all the time where they're like,

Paulina Pinsky (00:18:49):
I drank and the sun was shining.

Paulina Pinsky (00:18:50):
And I like felt like I had arrived.

Rachel Casey (00:18:52):
No, I have had that too, though.

Rachel Casey (00:18:54):
You know, it's just, it never was consistent.

Rachel Casey (00:18:58):
But for Colin, it was pretty consistent, I feel like.

Paulina Pinsky (00:19:02):
Well, the dosage is like, just the, you know, in the 90s, THC content and enjoyment was like 3%.

Paulina Pinsky (00:19:08):
Now it starts at 13%.

Paulina Pinsky (00:19:10):
So we're not smoking,

Paulina Pinsky (00:19:12):
you know,

Paulina Pinsky (00:19:12):
Grandpa Jim's Woodstock weed,

Colin Casey (00:19:15):
you know,

Paulina Pinsky (00:19:15):
like this is genetically engineered to be addictive.

Paulina Pinsky (00:19:18):
Because when it's addictive, because then you are a lucrative, like,

Paulina Pinsky (00:19:23):
You are the commodity.

Paulina Pinsky (00:19:25):
You know what I mean?

Paulina Pinsky (00:19:25):
Like to get you addicted means that they're going to make more money.

Paulina Pinsky (00:19:29):
And,

Paulina Pinsky (00:19:29):
you know,

Paulina Pinsky (00:19:30):
sometimes I feel a little like conspiracy theory about it,

Paulina Pinsky (00:19:32):
where I'm just like,

Paulina Pinsky (00:19:34):
big marijuana is big tobacco,

Paulina Pinsky (00:19:35):
like it is the same lobbyists,

Paulina Pinsky (00:19:37):
it is the same mechanisms.

Paulina Pinsky (00:19:39):
But the rhetoric has been so like,

Paulina Pinsky (00:19:42):
they put a lot of money into making sure that everybody was convinced it's medicine,

Paulina Pinsky (00:19:47):
you know,

Paulina Pinsky (00:19:47):
and as a marijuana addict,

Paulina Pinsky (00:19:49):
it's kind of,

Paulina Pinsky (00:19:50):
you know,

Paulina Pinsky (00:19:51):
discussions like this,

Paulina Pinsky (00:19:52):
where I feel like,

Paulina Pinsky (00:19:53):
you know,

Paulina Pinsky (00:19:54):
people come to me where they're like,

Paulina Pinsky (00:19:56):
you know,

Paulina Pinsky (00:19:56):
I did get anxious,

Paulina Pinsky (00:19:57):
or you know what,

Paulina Pinsky (00:19:57):
I

Paulina Pinsky (00:19:58):
couldn't stop and i you know it's like it's kind of like i'm the defective i'm the

Paulina Pinsky (00:20:03):
i'm not reacting right when in fact that is actually more common than because it's

Paulina Pinsky (00:20:09):
like you know by the end of it i was doing dabs which are like 80 oh my god so i

Paulina Pinsky (00:20:14):
never tried that did you thank you

Colin Casey (00:20:17):
I passed out when I did.

Paulina Pinsky (00:20:18):
Yeah.

Paulina Pinsky (00:20:20):
First time I did it, I felt my soul leave my body.

Paulina Pinsky (00:20:22):
And then I projectile vomited onto the couch and the dog.

Paulina Pinsky (00:20:26):
And then I shook in the bathtub, the empty bathtub for three hours.

Paulina Pinsky (00:20:29):
And that was like, just the first time, you know, like, I didn't even like it.

Paulina Pinsky (00:20:33):
It was like, dabs are weed to a messy degree.

Colin Casey (00:20:37):
You see, the funny thing is, you went back and did it again.

Paulina Pinsky (00:20:41):
yeah well that's because i'm an addict you know like that's the mind of a normal

Colin Casey (00:20:46):
person would have had that experience and been like i'm done never again yeah man i

Rachel Casey (00:20:50):
boot and rally like i'll be like miserable from alcohol and i'm like when's last

Colin Casey (00:20:55):
time yeah but you threw up 10 minutes ago yeah so you threw up on your dog went in

Colin Casey (00:21:00):
the bathtub shivered for three hours then probably yeah a couple days later you're

Colin Casey (00:21:04):
like

Colin Casey (00:21:05):
Maybe I just had a bad reaction.

Paulina Pinsky (00:21:07):
No.

Paulina Pinsky (00:21:08):
Yeah.

Paulina Pinsky (00:21:08):
It was like, oh, I ran out of flour.

Paulina Pinsky (00:21:09):
I guess I'll do dabs.

Paulina Pinsky (00:21:11):
You know,

Paulina Pinsky (00:21:11):
it's like I'll do like I'm the more time I have sober,

Paulina Pinsky (00:21:15):
like I was never a normal drinker.

Paulina Pinsky (00:21:18):
Like my nickname in college was Barflina because I would either vomit or blackout

Paulina Pinsky (00:21:23):
every time I drank.

Paulina Pinsky (00:21:25):
So it's like I was never a normal drinker, but it was celebrated.

Paulina Pinsky (00:21:29):
And, you know, it's like in college, it's like exciting to be a mess, you know?

Rachel Casey (00:21:33):
Yeah, I didn't even make it.

Rachel Casey (00:21:36):
I was so messy.

Rachel Casey (00:21:36):
I was like, no, I couldn't finish college.

Rachel Casey (00:21:38):
I'm in back now.

Rachel Casey (00:21:39):
But and I and I'm happy it turned out that way because I I just have more.

Rachel Casey (00:21:46):
yeah connect like i'm here yeah there's some classes i wish i would have not

Rachel Casey (00:21:51):
remembered but there are ones like my where i'm getting my major in that i i really

Rachel Casey (00:21:55):
love and it's that's amazing that's huge like it's it's different i feel i do feel

Rachel Casey (00:22:02):
older and you know i whatever there's and there's also a lot of bad things about

Rachel Casey (00:22:08):
online college and

Rachel Casey (00:22:11):
it people don't understand it's the professor teaches online and in person the the

Rachel Casey (00:22:17):
material because i'm at arizona state so i'm like okay it's not like just a digital

Rachel Casey (00:22:24):
class i have to have all this stuff actually for my school because you're monitored

Rachel Casey (00:22:28):
on camera like when you're test taking

Rachel Casey (00:22:31):
Like you are, it is not as like, I'm just gonna Google the answers online.

Rachel Casey (00:22:36):
Like, I mean, when you're in class discussions, you have to listen to lectures.

Rachel Casey (00:22:40):
They see what activity you have on your profile so they can see if you only logged in.

Rachel Casey (00:22:45):
So it says your login learning time and,

Rachel Casey (00:22:48):
Yeah, that's amazing.

Paulina Pinsky (00:22:50):
That's amazing to know that that exists in that capacity.

Paulina Pinsky (00:22:53):
Like, oh, yeah, what an amazing tool.

Paulina Pinsky (00:22:56):
And like my partner, he's also he did.

Paulina Pinsky (00:22:59):
He went to community college and then didn't finish school and now is doing his

Paulina Pinsky (00:23:03):
undergraduate degree.

Paulina Pinsky (00:23:04):
And, you know, I'm so impressed by people who go back to go to school because it's so much.

Paulina Pinsky (00:23:10):
it's you know of course you know learning isn't the hard part it's the balancing

Paulina Pinsky (00:23:14):
life and being the oldest person in the room and like being with like 19 year olds

Paulina Pinsky (00:23:18):
you know like that's

Paulina Pinsky (00:23:19):
the difficulty of it.

Paulina Pinsky (00:23:21):
And I'm so impressed by people who take nontraditional paths because it's harder.

Paulina Pinsky (00:23:26):
It's just harder.

Paulina Pinsky (00:23:27):
You know, you have more dependence on you and jobs and all that stuff.

Paulina Pinsky (00:23:31):
So congratulations.

Paulina Pinsky (00:23:33):
That's a big deal.

Rachel Casey (00:23:34):
I don't I don't want to say one's harder than the other.

Rachel Casey (00:23:37):
Like, it's just a learning is.

Rachel Casey (00:23:39):
So is your partner going to school like where in where you are or on?

Paulina Pinsky (00:23:44):
We are,

Paulina Pinsky (00:23:46):
so we are California based,

Paulina Pinsky (00:23:48):
but we are spending the year in central Minnesota for a job opportunity he got.

Paulina Pinsky (00:23:52):
So he is doing a few classes online.

Paulina Pinsky (00:23:55):
He's at a Cal state.

Paulina Pinsky (00:23:57):
Um, and so then we'll go back and he'll finish, um, probably next spring.

Paulina Pinsky (00:24:02):
Um, but yeah, I live in central moment.

Paulina Pinsky (00:24:05):
That's a whole other experience.

Rachel Casey (00:24:07):
Do you like it or no?

Rachel Casey (00:24:07):
Yeah.

Paulina Pinsky (00:24:09):
i like the state of minnesota where i live i i have i'm really experiencing the

Paulina Pinsky (00:24:17):
rural urban divide for the first time and it's a privilege to not really understand

Paulina Pinsky (00:24:23):
that until i was you know the right page of 32 and

Paulina Pinsky (00:24:28):
it's been very existential because,

Paulina Pinsky (00:24:30):
you know,

Paulina Pinsky (00:24:31):
I'm LA raised,

Paulina Pinsky (00:24:32):
spent 10 years in New York,

Paulina Pinsky (00:24:33):
spent nine months in Chicago.

Paulina Pinsky (00:24:34):
Like I've only ever been in metropolitan major cities.

Paulina Pinsky (00:24:37):
Right.

Paulina Pinsky (00:24:39):
And so that's its own rarefied experience, you know?

Rachel Casey (00:24:42):
Yeah.

Paulina Pinsky (00:24:42):
And so to be not only in the middle of,

Paulina Pinsky (00:24:46):
a country a state but to be in Minnesota like it is the polar opposite everybody's

Paulina Pinsky (00:24:52):
Jim and Joel and Mary and Don and they have 10 siblings and everybody is Catholic

Paulina Pinsky (00:24:58):
and so very much like you're pretty good at the embargo-esque

Paulina Pinsky (00:25:03):
it's it i'm living in fargo yeah and i've been working on the acts i listen it so

Paulina Pinsky (00:25:07):
don't you know you know so so you know i we all went to they all go to rehab in

Paulina Pinsky (00:25:13):
minnesota everybody you send them off to the farm yeah that's what you're supposed

Paulina Pinsky (00:25:20):
to go to the farm yeah no they literally because actually minnesota is known as

Paulina Pinsky (00:25:24):
like the the land of 10 000 meetings

Paulina Pinsky (00:25:27):
Um, because Hazelden is the original rehab.

Paulina Pinsky (00:25:30):
Like it's the one.

Rachel Casey (00:25:31):
Yeah.

Rachel Casey (00:25:31):
I know.

Rachel Casey (00:25:32):
Yeah.

Paulina Pinsky (00:25:32):
A lot of people come.

Paulina Pinsky (00:25:34):
Okay.

Rachel Casey (00:25:35):
Yeah.

Rachel Casey (00:25:36):
Um,

Rachel Casey (00:25:36):
the answer,

Rachel Casey (00:25:36):
like the,

Rachel Casey (00:25:37):
there are so many group conscience meetings over,

Rachel Casey (00:25:39):
can we let Hazelden be read?

Rachel Casey (00:25:40):
Can we not?

Rachel Casey (00:25:41):
Like ODAT incorporates Hazelden's one day at a time.

Colin Casey (00:25:45):
Okay.

Rachel Casey (00:25:46):
Oh, like the re the little re those little books I have.

Colin Casey (00:25:49):
Yeah.

Rachel Casey (00:25:49):
Like that one right there.

Rachel Casey (00:25:50):
You grab it the one day at a time.

Rachel Casey (00:25:53):
My one of my, my best friends got sober on Odette.

Rachel Casey (00:25:57):
So it's from Hazleton.

Colin Casey (00:25:59):
Oh yeah.

Colin Casey (00:26:00):
Okay.

Rachel Casey (00:26:01):
Yeah.

Rachel Casey (00:26:01):
Like these little quick.

Rachel Casey (00:26:03):
Yeah.

Rachel Casey (00:26:03):
Yeah.

Rachel Casey (00:26:04):
They have a lot of readers apparently.

Rachel Casey (00:26:05):
Yeah.

Rachel Casey (00:26:06):
I mean, it's supposed to be a great school.

Paulina Pinsky (00:26:08):
Yeah.

Paulina Pinsky (00:26:09):
Yeah.

Paulina Pinsky (00:26:09):
Like,

Paulina Pinsky (00:26:10):
I mean,

Paulina Pinsky (00:26:11):
it's,

Paulina Pinsky (00:26:11):
it's so wild being in a place where everybody's like,

Paulina Pinsky (00:26:15):
so I couldn't stop drinking.

Paulina Pinsky (00:26:17):
And so I went to treatment.

Paulina Pinsky (00:26:19):
and in treatment,

Paulina Pinsky (00:26:20):
you know,

Paulina Pinsky (00:26:20):
and it's like,

Paulina Pinsky (00:26:21):
how many,

Paulina Pinsky (00:26:22):
how many people would benefit from that,

Paulina Pinsky (00:26:24):
but don't have that state infrastructure,

Paulina Pinsky (00:26:26):
you know,

Paulina Pinsky (00:26:27):
like,

Paulina Pinsky (00:26:27):
it's been wild,

Paulina Pinsky (00:26:28):
whereas in California,

Paulina Pinsky (00:26:29):
it's like,

Paulina Pinsky (00:26:29):
I couldn't pay for treatment.

Paulina Pinsky (00:26:30):
Does anybody know anything?

Paulina Pinsky (00:26:32):
You know, it's, it's, it's been a very different cultural experience.

Paulina Pinsky (00:26:38):
And going to meeting like going from LA meetings, which are like 400,000 a day to like eight

Rachel Casey (00:26:44):
you know?

Rachel Casey (00:26:44):
Yeah.

Rachel Casey (00:26:45):
My grandma went in Santa Monica.

Rachel Casey (00:26:46):
That was where I, so she lived on 12th street and like literally right in, in, um, uh, Wilshire.

Rachel Casey (00:26:55):
So I'm like right over there, my cousins and stuff still live right over there.

Rachel Casey (00:27:01):
Um,

Rachel Casey (00:27:01):
but I grew up like walking to third street promenade and that was,

Rachel Casey (00:27:05):
and again,

Rachel Casey (00:27:06):
this is 20 years ago.

Rachel Casey (00:27:07):
So this was back when you'd actually like

Rachel Casey (00:27:10):
it wasn't what third street wasn't was what it is today it's so sad like it was so

Rachel Casey (00:27:15):
it was safe it was no last time i went it wasn't the same it wasn't um yeah it and

Rachel Casey (00:27:24):
i really want to go again to um

Rachel Casey (00:27:27):
it's central city of the mall outside or Centennial, uh, century city, right?

Rachel Casey (00:27:31):
Oh yeah.

Rachel Casey (00:27:32):
Yeah.

Rachel Casey (00:27:32):
I was like, I used to go there too.

Rachel Casey (00:27:33):
Again, I think it used to be a lot safer.

Rachel Casey (00:27:35):
I don't know how it is today, but yeah.

Paulina Pinsky (00:27:38):
California,

Paulina Pinsky (00:27:39):
you know,

Paulina Pinsky (00:27:39):
it's my boyfriend and I are both like ready to like move back if I'm,

Paulina Pinsky (00:27:43):
you know,

Paulina Pinsky (00:27:43):
being honest.

Paulina Pinsky (00:27:45):
I mean, yeah, but it's also like, Hey,

Paulina Pinsky (00:27:49):
Being in a state where like you can't even get a prescription filled if your

Paulina Pinsky (00:27:54):
prescription is like more than two years old.

Paulina Pinsky (00:27:57):
Like being in a state where there's like actually like parameters to like take care of you.

Paulina Pinsky (00:28:04):
You know,

Paulina Pinsky (00:28:04):
I had my first like real eye test,

Paulina Pinsky (00:28:06):
you know,

Paulina Pinsky (00:28:06):
because legally they could not sell me glasses with my 2017 prescription,

Paulina Pinsky (00:28:11):
you know,

Paulina Pinsky (00:28:12):
and it's little things like that where

Paulina Pinsky (00:28:16):
You know, and it's not even like, it's not even political.

Paulina Pinsky (00:28:19):
It's more like I can feel the ways in which people are cared for here in a way that

Paulina Pinsky (00:28:24):
isn't the same in California.

Paulina Pinsky (00:28:25):
And I love California.

Paulina Pinsky (00:28:26):
Like I will one day when my parents die, buy a house.

Paulina Pinsky (00:28:31):
You're like, I'm going to buy a house.

Paulina Pinsky (00:28:34):
I but it's like I will put I'm invested in putting roots down there.

Rachel Casey (00:28:38):
I am from there.

Rachel Casey (00:28:39):
You know, it's beautiful.

Rachel Casey (00:28:41):
I wish there's not anything in Dallas.

Rachel Casey (00:28:42):
I do love Dallas.

Rachel Casey (00:28:44):
There's nothing wrong, but there is nothing to look at.

Rachel Casey (00:28:46):
I mean, nothing.

Colin Casey (00:28:48):
We're very flat.

Colin Casey (00:28:48):
Yeah, that's I lived in Phoenix for

Colin Casey (00:28:51):
quite a while and I really missed it.

Colin Casey (00:28:54):
And even when I took you,

Colin Casey (00:28:55):
I was so excited to take you to Phoenix for a friend's wedding because it just

Colin Casey (00:28:58):
you're in the valley and there's mountains everywhere to look at.

Rachel Casey (00:29:01):
Can you imagine if we weren't sober, though?

Rachel Casey (00:29:02):
And because we you said you'd always wanted to take me and that was before we got sober.

Colin Casey (00:29:06):
Yeah.

Rachel Casey (00:29:07):
and we went when we were sober went to sedona did meditations like in the vortex

Rachel Casey (00:29:12):
and it was spiritual and i feel like california will have some of those things like

Rachel Casey (00:29:18):
yeah it not in la but they're yeah people don't understand the suburbs like even

Rachel Casey (00:29:23):
hollywood is not what people think hollywood is it's kind of unless you're driving

Rachel Casey (00:29:27):
up behind the sign which is where my grandma's clients used to be is yeah

Paulina Pinsky (00:29:32):
Yeah.

Rachel Casey (00:29:33):
Yeah.

Paulina Pinsky (00:29:34):
I'm from Pasadena.

Paulina Pinsky (00:29:35):
Like I'm not LA, you know, like Pasadena is its own thing.

Paulina Pinsky (00:29:39):
Yeah.

Paulina Pinsky (00:29:41):
And, um, to, to put Hollywood in perspective, I'm very, um,

Paulina Pinsky (00:29:46):
I'm very sensitive to smell.

Paulina Pinsky (00:29:49):
Oh my God, not the place for you.

Paulina Pinsky (00:29:51):
Yeah,

Paulina Pinsky (00:29:51):
so my boyfriend and I,

Paulina Pinsky (00:29:53):
it was a beautiful,

Paulina Pinsky (00:29:54):
there's this restaurant called Mother Wolf and once a month we blow out,

Paulina Pinsky (00:29:58):
do something vibey,

Paulina Pinsky (00:30:00):
whatever.

Paulina Pinsky (00:30:00):
We had this beautiful dinner and we were gonna go see a documentary at the Egyptian theater.

Rachel Casey (00:30:06):
I've been there too, that's beautiful.

Paulina Pinsky (00:30:07):
Yeah, and he was like, let's walk on Hollywood Boulevard.

Paulina Pinsky (00:30:11):
As soon as we hit Hollywood Boulevard,

Paulina Pinsky (00:30:15):
weed and like body odor and human shit and desperation hit my nostrils and i just

Paulina Pinsky (00:30:25):
vomited onto the streets of hollywood and then i started laughing because i had

Paulina Pinsky (00:30:30):
just vomited on the streets of hollywood yeah and this was you know six months ago

Paulina Pinsky (00:30:35):
and so he like pulled me like went on the side streets or whatever and so that is

Paulina Pinsky (00:30:39):
my hollywood i

Paulina Pinsky (00:30:41):
I'm not built for Hollywood.

Paulina Pinsky (00:30:43):
I am okay being in Pasadena.

Paulina Pinsky (00:30:46):
You know, it's like... It's just not the same.

Rachel Casey (00:30:49):
Like, it's... No, it's not safe.

Paulina Pinsky (00:30:51):
It's not safe.

Rachel Casey (00:30:52):
I got to see Wicked at the Hollywood Theater with my grandma.

Rachel Casey (00:30:55):
And again, this was 15 years ago.

Rachel Casey (00:30:57):
And is it still there?

Rachel Casey (00:30:58):
Or did they tear it down?

Rachel Casey (00:31:01):
I was like, no, it's still there.

Rachel Casey (00:31:02):
Or is it still like... Because it's kind of like in the interjection, the Hollywood Theater.

Rachel Casey (00:31:06):
Like, I mean... And it's not as big.

Rachel Casey (00:31:08):
It's very old.

Rachel Casey (00:31:09):
It's very...

Rachel Casey (00:31:11):
Anyway, my grandma took me to all these great things.

Rachel Casey (00:31:13):
I had no idea to appreciate them at the time.

Colin Casey (00:31:16):
I just thought of the... You're probably being a normal teenager.

Rachel Casey (00:31:19):
I just thought of the most random thing.

Rachel Casey (00:31:21):
And my grandma...

Rachel Casey (00:31:25):
um she used to we would go if we went to a hotel we went out of town she would take

Rachel Casey (00:31:30):
all the little samples and we would bring them back to santa monica and we would

Rachel Casey (00:31:34):
when we were walking to third street we would give them some of the homeless people

Rachel Casey (00:31:37):
we would go give them the shampoos the shower and at first i i thought it was weird

Rachel Casey (00:31:42):
because in dallas you know

Rachel Casey (00:31:45):
first off the homeless population was not what it was there but at the time again

Rachel Casey (00:31:50):
20 years ago so i'm turning if i'm 30 it was like when i was 10 and it wasn't as

Rachel Casey (00:31:56):
dangerous to hand a random stranger you know you didn't think about a gun or knife

Rachel Casey (00:32:00):
being pulled on you like that wasn't they were just appreciative of we would bundle

Rachel Casey (00:32:04):
all the little hotel stuff and go hand it out all around the park

Paulina Pinsky (00:32:09):
And I mean, there was space between people again, like now it's just so it's, it's an epidemic.

Paulina Pinsky (00:32:15):
It really, and it's also legally, you cannot help them unless they have dementia.

Paulina Pinsky (00:32:23):
Really?

Paulina Pinsky (00:32:23):
Otherwise, yes.

Paulina Pinsky (00:32:24):
Otherwise the state of California renders that like,

Paulina Pinsky (00:32:29):
they don't have sort of like the rendered of insanity.

Paulina Pinsky (00:32:31):
Like if you're a harm to yourself,

Paulina Pinsky (00:32:33):
they can hold you for 72 hours,

Paulina Pinsky (00:32:35):
but unless you are a geriatric experiencing dementia on the street,

Paulina Pinsky (00:32:39):
no one can help you legally, that you have to be willing to commit yourself.

Paulina Pinsky (00:32:43):
And the thing that's so devastating about that is like, a lot of it is math.

Paulina Pinsky (00:32:49):
And from our experience, what did it take to get willing to ask for help?

Paulina Pinsky (00:33:00):
You know,

Paulina Pinsky (00:33:00):
and and this assumption that these people are operating to the height of their

Paulina Pinsky (00:33:06):
capacity as active addicts.

Paulina Pinsky (00:33:09):
Right.

Paulina Pinsky (00:33:09):
And it's like it's this double it's a it's a it's a very strange line to to

Paulina Pinsky (00:33:13):
straddle because it's,

Paulina Pinsky (00:33:15):
you know,

Paulina Pinsky (00:33:15):
it's assuming that they want to want to be there.

Paulina Pinsky (00:33:18):
But how much of our active addiction did we really want to be there?

Paulina Pinsky (00:33:23):
You know, how much of that was clear thinking?

Paulina Pinsky (00:33:26):
And so it's this it's difficult.

Paulina Pinsky (00:33:28):
It's difficult because it's like,

Paulina Pinsky (00:33:30):
you know,

Paulina Pinsky (00:33:30):
someone has a whole tent encampment in a hoarder,

Paulina Pinsky (00:33:33):
you know,

Paulina Pinsky (00:33:34):
clearly meth village.

Paulina Pinsky (00:33:37):
And

Paulina Pinsky (00:33:38):
as an as a person in recovery i'm like if i was like that i would want someone to

Paulina Pinsky (00:33:42):
help you know and so it's it's hard it's hard to witness and it's also again it's

Paulina Pinsky (00:33:50):
like sort of just like the state is not yeah doing what it could you know and where

Rachel Casey (00:33:57):
you're at now and so minnesota the weed's not legal correct

Rachel Casey (00:34:01):
or it is legal it is okay because i was going to say it's not legal here so it's

Rachel Casey (00:34:06):
not as uh like we don't have any shops or i mean so what we do we know who to call

Colin Casey (00:34:11):
if we really wanted but we don't yeah here's one of the strange things that i

Colin Casey (00:34:17):
wanted to ask you about is getting more insight on you know the addiction process

Colin Casey (00:34:22):
so weed is not legal

Colin Casey (00:34:24):
Yeah, if you go to a brewery, you can get infused THC alcohol or beer.

Colin Casey (00:34:29):
So I guess it's not alcohol, but it's THC beer.

Colin Casey (00:34:33):
Well,

Rachel Casey (00:34:33):
because it's imported in the beer,

Rachel Casey (00:34:34):
the way that it crosses the state line,

Rachel Casey (00:34:36):
I think it's because it's infused in the brew.

Rachel Casey (00:34:39):
That must be a loophole.

Rachel Casey (00:34:40):
But it's not brewed in Texas.

Colin Casey (00:34:43):
And then we have a bunch of instead of marijuana shops,

Colin Casey (00:34:47):
they are CBD shops and they'll sell all these other.

Rachel Casey (00:34:51):
Which apparently if you ask the right words at the right CBD shop, they might have some behind.

Rachel Casey (00:34:59):
I heard that they were like going on a bust on those.

Rachel Casey (00:35:02):
I've never even stepped foot in one.

Rachel Casey (00:35:03):
I mean,

Rachel Casey (00:35:04):
I've been to what's the silly place that we've gone before,

Rachel Casey (00:35:09):
like before we were the smoke shop.

Rachel Casey (00:35:11):
Yeah, it's called something.

Colin Casey (00:35:13):
Oh, gas pipe gas pipe.

Rachel Casey (00:35:15):
I was like, I think those are like everywhere.

Colin Casey (00:35:17):
But those are more selling pipes.

Colin Casey (00:35:19):
But I did find it interesting what you were saying.

Colin Casey (00:35:21):
And you're right.

Colin Casey (00:35:22):
It's almost like the lobbyists like big tobacco.

Colin Casey (00:35:24):
They're trying to make in the States that weed is illegal, more addicting.

Colin Casey (00:35:29):
So you come back to them because you said

Colin Casey (00:35:33):
What they have now is different than they had 20 years ago.

Colin Casey (00:35:35):
It's different what they had 30 years ago and 40 years ago.

Colin Casey (00:35:39):
So they see the profit in it and it's like, okay, we need people to come back.

Colin Casey (00:35:46):
So you're right.

Colin Casey (00:35:47):
I never thought about it like that, but you're definitely right.

Colin Casey (00:35:50):
Whatever's out now is more addicting or stronger than 20 years ago.

Rachel Casey (00:35:56):
They wrote about that in this article.

Rachel Casey (00:35:57):
They said at the current research,

Rachel Casey (00:36:01):
Yeah.

Rachel Casey (00:36:01):
And the some of the there's also THC withdraws, which people they're like, that is not a myth.

Rachel Casey (00:36:07):
It takes 42 days for someone who's a daily user to withdraw.

Paulina Pinsky (00:36:12):
Yeah, completely.

Paulina Pinsky (00:36:13):
It really takes about six months for you to fully.

Paulina Pinsky (00:36:15):
So what is also stores in your fat?

Colin Casey (00:36:17):
Is the withdrawals this like your same basic withdrawals?

Colin Casey (00:36:20):
Because that's something I

Colin Casey (00:36:22):
kind of never really thought about anxiety depression okay withdrawal starts three

Rachel Casey (00:36:27):
weeks after someone's last dose it's physiological behavioral sleep nausea restless

Rachel Casey (00:36:32):
insomnia perception irritability disrupted tremors weight loss decreased appetite

Rachel Casey (00:36:39):
increased body temperature anxiety depressed mood aggregate um

Rachel Casey (00:36:45):
aggression oh my god yeah and uh loss in vision which and lost in motivation or

Rachel Casey (00:36:50):
maybe i wonder if it's like more sensitive to light and these are all the

Colin Casey (00:36:53):
withdrawal syndrome yeah that seems like something if someone stopped they would be

Colin Casey (00:36:58):
like oh i just need to smoke more weed and this is according to more or they yeah

Rachel Casey (00:37:02):
according to u.s department of health and human services huh

Paulina Pinsky (00:37:07):
yeah i lost 20 pounds my first month sober without even trying like it was yeah

Paulina Pinsky (00:37:13):
it's just like it just my body just like complete like first of all i wasn't taking

Paulina Pinsky (00:37:16):
bong rips and ordering cake to my door anymore right calories of alcohol too like

Rachel Casey (00:37:23):
jameson had a lot and i was like you guys just cut like 4 000 calories out of my

Rachel Casey (00:37:28):
diet no for real

Paulina Pinsky (00:37:31):
And I also was like,

Paulina Pinsky (00:37:32):
oh,

Paulina Pinsky (00:37:32):
I don't have a problem with alcohol,

Paulina Pinsky (00:37:34):
but I'd rather like misidentify as an alcoholic if that means I get to go into the

Paulina Pinsky (00:37:38):
fellowships that are alcohol-based.

Paulina Pinsky (00:37:40):
And then I would like read my journals and be like, I drink two glasses of wine and a whiskey.

Paulina Pinsky (00:37:45):
And like, it's like, it was always...

Paulina Pinsky (00:37:48):
And,

Paulina Pinsky (00:37:49):
you know,

Paulina Pinsky (00:37:49):
and so I think I also went through like physical withdrawal from alcohol,

Paulina Pinsky (00:37:53):
but it really took six months for my body to recalibrate.

Paulina Pinsky (00:37:56):
I was like taking like three months, three naps a day.

Paulina Pinsky (00:37:59):
I was like sweating.

Paulina Pinsky (00:38:01):
Like my mood was all over the place.

Paulina Pinsky (00:38:04):
Oh my God.

Paulina Pinsky (00:38:04):
Like Christmas.

Rachel Casey (00:38:07):
So yeah.

Rachel Casey (00:38:07):
Talk about Christmas sober, because that's probably something that can help someone.

Rachel Casey (00:38:11):
We're going to put this out before Christmas.

Rachel Casey (00:38:13):
Yeah.

Rachel Casey (00:38:13):
Yeah.

Rachel Casey (00:38:14):
What was it like being just a few days sober?

Rachel Casey (00:38:16):
Yeah.

Paulina Pinsky (00:38:18):
Okay, I'll tell you the story.

Paulina Pinsky (00:38:20):
You don't have to.

Rachel Casey (00:38:22):
No, no, it's good.

Paulina Pinsky (00:38:23):
It's good.

Paulina Pinsky (00:38:24):
I haven't talked about it in a while.

Paulina Pinsky (00:38:26):
So, you know, I'm gonna have three years in a week, God willing, and like, I can't believe it.

Paulina Pinsky (00:38:33):
And basically,

Paulina Pinsky (00:38:36):
every anniversary that i've had it's been like this sort of disbelief but also i

Paulina Pinsky (00:38:41):
think the sort of weeks leading up to it i get my most resentful and squirrely and

Paulina Pinsky (00:38:45):
like everyone does every yeah i get so weird um and part of it is because my bottom

Paulina Pinsky (00:38:51):
was traumatic and every year that i have sober is more distance from my rock bottom

Paulina Pinsky (00:38:58):
and so i'm able to see it with more clarity and it's kind of just like oh my god

Paulina Pinsky (00:39:02):
like how did i

Paulina Pinsky (00:39:04):
How did I get there?

Paulina Pinsky (00:39:06):
But also feeling immense gratitude because I needed to get there.

Paulina Pinsky (00:39:11):
And so the short of the rock bottom story is I was driving from New York to New

Paulina Pinsky (00:39:17):
Orleans to spend Christmas with my ex-fiance's family.

Paulina Pinsky (00:39:21):
And we ran out of weed and decided to do a sober Christmas.

Paulina Pinsky (00:39:26):
um and part of that is because i would get stoned like so stoned that i felt like i

Paulina Pinsky (00:39:32):
could like feel my joints connected to my bone and like muscle dripping off my body

Paulina Pinsky (00:39:36):
and i would like turn to him and be like please help me stop like i can't do this

Paulina Pinsky (00:39:39):
anymore and then i'd wake up the next day and like we'd smoke you know i couldn't

Paulina Pinsky (00:39:42):
even get like past 11 a.m and it was very much like i want to write but if i

Paulina Pinsky (00:39:49):
don't smoke, I can't write.

Paulina Pinsky (00:39:50):
But if I smoke, I know I can't write.

Paulina Pinsky (00:39:53):
And so I'd end up stoning in the bathtub,

Paulina Pinsky (00:39:54):
not writing,

Paulina Pinsky (00:39:55):
you know,

Paulina Pinsky (00:39:55):
like this was the cycle I was in.

Paulina Pinsky (00:39:57):
Yeah.

Paulina Pinsky (00:39:58):
Yeah.

Paulina Pinsky (00:39:59):
It's like,

Paulina Pinsky (00:40:00):
I didn't genuinely try to stop,

Paulina Pinsky (00:40:02):
but there were moments of like profound,

Paulina Pinsky (00:40:06):
like not grief,

Paulina Pinsky (00:40:08):
but panic of just like,

Paulina Pinsky (00:40:09):
I don't want to be doing this.

Paulina Pinsky (00:40:11):
Like I don't want to be doing this and I can't not do this.

Paulina Pinsky (00:40:15):
And also by that point, you know, it was like,

Paulina Pinsky (00:40:18):
50 milligram edible to feel something you know like my tolerance was so insane and

Paulina Pinsky (00:40:23):
um a lot of it was like yeah it was disgusting it was just like and then the thing

Paulina Pinsky (00:40:29):
about like edibles and those thc drinks like they they last longer it's like a

Paulina Pinsky (00:40:34):
whole different high and it's not comfortable no it wasn't when i was on the snow i

Rachel Casey (00:40:39):
mean i had a panic attack

Paulina Pinsky (00:40:42):
yeah it's like there's been so many times that like i got high and couldn't

Paulina Pinsky (00:40:46):
remember my name or like couldn't figure out gravity you know and it's like part of

Paulina Pinsky (00:40:51):
that was because i wanted to obliterate my consciousness and then part of that is

Paulina Pinsky (00:40:55):
because i wanted to see what it was like and i needed to get higher you know and so

Paulina Pinsky (00:41:01):
um we decided to do so over christmas um my ex was another fellow sick and

Paulina Pinsky (00:41:08):
suffering alcoholic addict

Paulina Pinsky (00:41:10):
um but i perceived him as being worse i was so i would you know walk his dog do his

Paulina Pinsky (00:41:16):
laundry to cook the meals wash everything so that he could you know do dabs morning

Rachel Casey (00:41:20):
noon and night shrooms yeah so he's like he was functioning with a job i was the

Rachel Casey (00:41:28):
one struggling jobless not in school stay-at-home mom not yeah but yeah

Paulina Pinsky (00:41:37):
Yeah, he thought I was worse.

Paulina Pinsky (00:41:37):
It's so easy.

Paulina Pinsky (00:41:39):
It's so much easier to stay in place when you can see someone and be like,

Paulina Pinsky (00:41:41):
well,

Paulina Pinsky (00:41:42):
not that,

Paulina Pinsky (00:41:43):
you know.

Paulina Pinsky (00:41:44):
And so we both got in this car and it was our first day without weed.

Paulina Pinsky (00:41:50):
And over the course of that three day drive, he went into weed induced psychosis.

Paulina Pinsky (00:41:55):
oh no and we didn't do psychosis is something that i have experienced firsthand in

Paulina Pinsky (00:42:00):
my first year of sobriety i saw it three times another time like i've seen it so

Paulina Pinsky (00:42:05):
many times now um that part of like

Paulina Pinsky (00:42:09):
my,

Paulina Pinsky (00:42:09):
I don't know,

Paulina Pinsky (00:42:11):
agenda is a strong word,

Paulina Pinsky (00:42:12):
but it's like,

Paulina Pinsky (00:42:14):
how can we deny that this thing is mind-altering and addictive when I'm witnessing

Paulina Pinsky (00:42:19):
people just like absolutely lose themselves?

Paulina Pinsky (00:42:23):
And the thing about waiting to do psychosis is yes,

Paulina Pinsky (00:42:25):
you can get psychotic from,

Paulina Pinsky (00:42:27):
you know,

Paulina Pinsky (00:42:28):
using a lot,

Paulina Pinsky (00:42:29):
but also when you stop using,

Paulina Pinsky (00:42:30):
that's also what can trigger the psychosis.

Paulina Pinsky (00:42:32):
And so that's

Paulina Pinsky (00:42:33):
what happened with my ex.

Paulina Pinsky (00:42:34):
And so my first three days sober, um, I was in a car with a psychotic person.

Rachel Casey (00:42:40):
Um, and terrifying.

Paulina Pinsky (00:42:42):
Yeah.

Paulina Pinsky (00:42:43):
And so I day three,

Paulina Pinsky (00:42:46):
I'm an hour outside of New Orleans and we pull into an Alabama gas station and I

Paulina Pinsky (00:42:50):
had a panic attack in an Alabama gas station,

Paulina Pinsky (00:42:52):
like fell to my knees,

Paulina Pinsky (00:42:53):
like,

Paulina Pinsky (00:42:54):
like rocking myself saying like,

Paulina Pinsky (00:42:56):
I can like trying to tell myself like,

Paulina Pinsky (00:42:58):
I can do this,

Paulina Pinsky (00:42:58):
I can do this,

Paulina Pinsky (00:42:59):
I can do this.

Paulina Pinsky (00:42:59):
But I knew like, I can't, I was saying, I can't, I can't.

Paulina Pinsky (00:43:03):
And I like ended up praying to Elvis,

Paulina Pinsky (00:43:05):
who I'd been praying to since I was like eight years old and my dead grandparents

Paulina Pinsky (00:43:08):
and I held onto a tree like that really was my surrender.

Paulina Pinsky (00:43:11):
And that was me really turning it over to a higher power,

Paulina Pinsky (00:43:13):
although I didn't have that 12 step language.

Paulina Pinsky (00:43:16):
But that was the moment where I was like, you know, I stopped digging.

Paulina Pinsky (00:43:20):
I was like.

Paulina Pinsky (00:43:21):
I can't do this.

Paulina Pinsky (00:43:22):
And during that car ride, this is when the TCB stuff comes in.

Paulina Pinsky (00:43:27):
He is someone who considers himself an antinatalist.

Paulina Pinsky (00:43:31):
And so he believes that people shouldn't have children and we should walk into

Paulina Pinsky (00:43:34):
extinction hand in hand.

Paulina Pinsky (00:43:36):
And we had gotten engaged seven months before that and we would get high and he

Paulina Pinsky (00:43:40):
would scream at me about my desire to have children.

Paulina Pinsky (00:43:42):
And my desire to have children is this ineffable bodily spiritual thing that I

Paulina Pinsky (00:43:48):
couldn't articulate and convince him of.

Paulina Pinsky (00:43:52):
And so I would sort of get high to cope with him yelling and he'd get high and more psychotic.

Paulina Pinsky (00:43:57):
And over the seven months, it was just it was a nightmare.

Paulina Pinsky (00:44:00):
It got bad.

Paulina Pinsky (00:44:02):
That being said, glad it happened because I wouldn't be sober without it.

Rachel Casey (00:44:05):
So is that when you start journaling after y'all kind of, cause is that about the same?

Paulina Pinsky (00:44:11):
Oh, I was journaling the entire way.

Rachel Casey (00:44:13):
Or you said, okay, I was like, okay.

Rachel Casey (00:44:16):
When you started the article, the newsletter.

Paulina Pinsky (00:44:19):
Oh, that was like 70 days sober.

Rachel Casey (00:44:20):
Oh, 70 days.

Rachel Casey (00:44:21):
I'm like, why am I thinking say, okay, perfect.

Rachel Casey (00:44:24):
Just clarifying.

Paulina Pinsky (00:44:24):
No, I, at this point I was like, what a sub stack.

Paulina Pinsky (00:44:27):
I have no idea.

Rachel Casey (00:44:29):
Terrified me.

Paulina Pinsky (00:44:30):
Yeah.

Paulina Pinsky (00:44:31):
So I got him to new Orleans.

Paulina Pinsky (00:44:34):
I flew back to LA.

Paulina Pinsky (00:44:37):
at 6am the next morning I like got to my parents house and like I just remember it

Paulina Pinsky (00:44:41):
was like on my hands and knees like scream crying like it was I had never felt so

Paulina Pinsky (00:44:48):
like I mean powerless talk about power I just it was traumatizing and you know I

Paulina Pinsky (00:44:54):
remember my parents had gotten this like promotional sauna blanket and as soon as I

Paulina Pinsky (00:44:59):
like I remember I was on the kitchen floor holding a pillow and then I moved to the

Paulina Pinsky (00:45:03):
couch in a sauna blanket and my brother was like

Paulina Pinsky (00:45:06):
Have you seen the new seasons of South Park?

Paulina Pinsky (00:45:09):
And so I watched the new season of South Park in the sauna blanket,

Paulina Pinsky (00:45:13):
and it,

Paulina Pinsky (00:45:13):
like,

Paulina Pinsky (00:45:13):
said,

Paulina Pinsky (00:45:14):
like,

Paulina Pinsky (00:45:15):
natural high or whatever.

Paulina Pinsky (00:45:18):
So that was probably the 20th.

Paulina Pinsky (00:45:21):
The 21st, we celebrated my mom's birthday.

Paulina Pinsky (00:45:24):
I had a glass of Chablis.

Paulina Pinsky (00:45:26):
I was like, don't let me smoke.

Paulina Pinsky (00:45:27):
But I got served a glass of Chablis.

Paulina Pinsky (00:45:29):
I was like, look at me, one glass of wine.

Paulina Pinsky (00:45:33):
And then my first true sober day was the 22nd.

Paulina Pinsky (00:45:39):
So that's what I rolled into Christmas with in 2021.

Paulina Pinsky (00:45:43):
That's a lot of feelings.

Paulina Pinsky (00:45:44):
And it was...

Paulina Pinsky (00:45:48):
I don't know.

Paulina Pinsky (00:45:49):
This is a real special flavor of bodily experience.

Paulina Pinsky (00:45:53):
I don't know if either of you experienced.

Paulina Pinsky (00:45:54):
I hope you have not experienced like when you're hyper traumatized and like you

Paulina Pinsky (00:46:01):
can't blink and like you're you're you're hunching and people are talking to you,

Paulina Pinsky (00:46:07):
but you can't hear them.

Paulina Pinsky (00:46:09):
Like that's what I came into Christmas with,

Paulina Pinsky (00:46:12):
which made it very easy not to drink because,

Paulina Pinsky (00:46:17):
you know,

Paulina Pinsky (00:46:19):
moving through it.

Paulina Pinsky (00:46:22):
So, so the 22nd was my first true day.

Paulina Pinsky (00:46:25):
23rd, I think I went on to a virtual meeting for the first time.

Paulina Pinsky (00:46:28):
And then the 24th is the first time I went to a meeting in person.

Paulina Pinsky (00:46:31):
my dad had suggested, you know, have you considered meetings.

Paulina Pinsky (00:46:34):
And the irony of all this is that my dad is an addiction specialist and ran a rehab

Paulina Pinsky (00:46:39):
for 30 years.

Paulina Pinsky (00:46:39):
And,

Paulina Pinsky (00:46:40):
you know,

Paulina Pinsky (00:46:41):
like,

Paulina Pinsky (00:46:41):
the cosmic drama of Dr.

Paulina Pinsky (00:46:43):
Drew's daughter as an addict is like,

Paulina Pinsky (00:46:45):
you know,

Rachel Casey (00:46:45):
it writes itself.

Rachel Casey (00:46:46):
I don't think so.

Rachel Casey (00:46:47):
You know, addiction does not discriminate.

Rachel Casey (00:46:50):
And I don't know how to, you know, there are

Colin Casey (00:46:53):
I think it's one of those things that it would be newsworthy for someone outside of

Colin Casey (00:46:57):
addiction that doesn't understand it.

Rachel Casey (00:46:59):
Yeah.

Colin Casey (00:47:00):
For those that are, I mean, yeah, I feel like, yeah, it's just so random on how addiction gets.

Colin Casey (00:47:10):
And yeah, you could make the argument that it can be genetic.

Colin Casey (00:47:15):
like you have a lot of addiction in your family.

Rachel Casey (00:47:17):
But my I mean, isn't that the thing about like priest daughter, though?

Rachel Casey (00:47:20):
You know,

Rachel Casey (00:47:21):
you hear about like even the you think that just being surrounded by it makes you like,

Rachel Casey (00:47:26):
oh,

Rachel Casey (00:47:26):
you're also a saint or just because,

Rachel Casey (00:47:30):
you know,

Rachel Casey (00:47:31):
I Evan doesn't see a lot of what I do for school or work.

Rachel Casey (00:47:34):
So I don't think it's I hope you don't feel that pressure that you're like,

Rachel Casey (00:47:40):
oh,

Rachel Casey (00:47:40):
like I'm an oxymoron,

Rachel Casey (00:47:41):
like

Rachel Casey (00:47:43):
I love that.

Rachel Casey (00:47:44):
They'll sell a book eventually.

Rachel Casey (00:47:46):
It doesn't discriminate.

Rachel Casey (00:47:49):
It doesn't just handpick people.

Rachel Casey (00:47:51):
It doesn't matter what your name, your color, your race, how much money you have even.

Rachel Casey (00:47:59):
There are celebrities that money was their downfall.

Rachel Casey (00:48:02):
People have said with my father, his dad is a doctor and has

Rachel Casey (00:48:11):
um had inheritance from and my grandmother was successful i mean she lived in 12th

Rachel Casey (00:48:17):
street which was that was not a cheap area to live um yeah and it's uh i yeah i

Rachel Casey (00:48:26):
have a lot of addiction in my family and

Rachel Casey (00:48:29):
It doesn't matter how expensive the alcohol is.

Rachel Casey (00:48:34):
It hits the same.

Rachel Casey (00:48:36):
Oh, I won't get addicted if it's Johnny Walker Blue.

Rachel Casey (00:48:40):
I shot that stuff.

Rachel Casey (00:48:41):
People were ashamed.

Rachel Casey (00:48:42):
They're like, you're supposed to sip and enjoy it.

Rachel Casey (00:48:43):
And I was like, I did.

Rachel Casey (00:48:45):
In a gulp.

Rachel Casey (00:48:46):
And this guy is like, he's buying.

Rachel Casey (00:48:49):
I remember this guy's buying.

Rachel Casey (00:48:50):
It's 120 a shot.

Rachel Casey (00:48:52):
And I'm like, let's go.

Rachel Casey (00:48:54):
Another.

Rachel Casey (00:48:54):
He's like, okay, hold on.

Rachel Casey (00:48:56):
Like, we're not spending Jerry Jones money here tonight.

Rachel Casey (00:49:02):
Yeah, no, it doesn't matter what it is.

Paulina Pinsky (00:49:04):
And I would have drank the sevens dollar stuff.

Rachel Casey (00:49:06):
You know, like, because at that point, it was addiction.

Rachel Casey (00:49:12):
Like, it was...

Rachel Casey (00:49:14):
the same about weed oh if we buy higher end weed and like it's been raised on a

Rachel Casey (00:49:19):
farm and like a puppy goes and smells it every day and like you know it's love oh

Rachel Casey (00:49:25):
my god it won't get me addicted well yeah but it did like

Colin Casey (00:49:29):
you said because your mom knew that she couldn't just straight be like i think you

Colin Casey (00:49:35):
need to go somewhere she waited until you were ready and asked for help yourself do

Colin Casey (00:49:39):
you think that was like your dad or your parents saying they're waiting for you to

Colin Casey (00:49:45):
she waited yeah because otherwise like you said your dad's a specialist he probably

Rachel Casey (00:49:50):
it's not i think we're hiding it so well too we're like nobody knows

Paulina Pinsky (00:49:54):
it wasn't like waiting for you to be ready i think for sure and i don't think they

Paulina Pinsky (00:49:59):
understood the extent to how bad it was um but they had so it was it was kind of

Paulina Pinsky (00:50:07):
like a slow awakening like you know we had written this book together and you know

Paulina Pinsky (00:50:12):
because i had been preaching tcb over and over again when my ex was screaming at me

Paulina Pinsky (00:50:17):
in the car i was like oh

Paulina Pinsky (00:50:20):
He's not showing me compassion.

Paulina Pinsky (00:50:22):
He's not respecting my boundaries when I'm asking him to stop yelling at me.

Paulina Pinsky (00:50:26):
it was like a cartoon tea like the trust shattered and i was like oh my god how

Paulina Pinsky (00:50:30):
many times have i said your relationship is dead if you don't have tcb you know

Paulina Pinsky (00:50:34):
like by virtue of my dad bringing me onto this project and had us having these

Paulina Pinsky (00:50:38):
conversations i was able to use those tools to realize oh this isn't you don't

Paulina Pinsky (00:50:45):
marry someone like this you know um and i remember sort of like the summer leading

Paulina Pinsky (00:50:52):
up i remember i called him

Paulina Pinsky (00:50:54):
sort of like a moment of clarity and i was like what should i worry about my health

Paulina Pinsky (00:50:59):
like what should i like pay attention to and of course yeah and the first thing he

Paulina Pinsky (00:51:02):
goes is well alcohol and weed for your brain for like he's always that's always

Paulina Pinsky (00:51:06):
where he started you know um and it was i think there was like one time during the

Paulina Pinsky (00:51:11):
pandemic i had a really bad psychiatrist and i was totally over prescribed all

Paulina Pinsky (00:51:15):
these like psychiatric meds and i couldn't find a psychiatrist in the city because

Paulina Pinsky (00:51:19):
it was like the pandemic and everybody was looking for doctors and my it was a

Paulina Pinsky (00:51:22):
nightmare and so

Paulina Pinsky (00:51:24):
My dad was like, I'll refill your prescription, but you can't smoke weed if I do that.

Paulina Pinsky (00:51:31):
it was the first time that a psychiatric in a psychiatric context that someone had

Paulina Pinsky (00:51:34):
said weed doesn't work you know like anytime i brought that up with a therapist or

Paulina Pinsky (00:51:39):
a psychiatrist they were like oh that's fine they co-sign it but yeah they totally

Paulina Pinsky (00:51:43):
co-sign it and my dad was like how do you know what your baseline is if you're

Paulina Pinsky (00:51:46):
smoking all the time yeah and he i mean obviously he knows yeah like i was like

Paulina Pinsky (00:51:52):
well i'm unhappy and that's my baseline and that's why i smoke you know

Paulina Pinsky (00:51:55):
And so I think because he is my dad, I was able to.

Paulina Pinsky (00:52:01):
Oh, and then I had a conversation like the week before the car ride.

Paulina Pinsky (00:52:05):
My brother came to town and we like drank all night and then we woke up the next

Paulina Pinsky (00:52:08):
day and we smoked together.

Paulina Pinsky (00:52:10):
And I think because we were both like able to enter that frequency together because

Paulina Pinsky (00:52:14):
I really think of drugs and alcohol as frequencies,

Paulina Pinsky (00:52:16):
but they're false frequencies.

Paulina Pinsky (00:52:18):
Like they can feel like spiritual experiences,

Paulina Pinsky (00:52:20):
but they're – I've heard someone say like weed blocks your third eye,

Paulina Pinsky (00:52:24):
which I totally believe.

Rachel Casey (00:52:25):
I think that's such a good way to put it.

Colin Casey (00:52:27):
Yeah.

Rachel Casey (00:52:28):
Well, you don't do the chakras as much as I do.

Rachel Casey (00:52:30):
Yeah, that third eye chakra, man.

Colin Casey (00:52:31):
I get what you're saying there.

Colin Casey (00:52:33):
That makes sense.

Colin Casey (00:52:35):
Your mind's eye.

Colin Casey (00:52:36):
Yeah, because you think it unlocks everything, but it really –

Paulina Pinsky (00:52:40):
doesn't it really blocks yeah and um i just i i was able to just like word vomit at

Paulina Pinsky (00:52:46):
my brother because my ex was at work and i was like i really think i don't know if

Paulina Pinsky (00:52:51):
i can get married to this guy i think his addiction problem is really bad i was

Paulina Pinsky (00:52:54):
like do you think i'm an addict and he was like yeah i do and that like was the

Rachel Casey (00:53:00):
first

Rachel Casey (00:53:03):
I feel like that would hurt if I never asked my sister that because I kind of have

Rachel Casey (00:53:07):
always known.

Rachel Casey (00:53:09):
But I think asking Aaron would be or asking you honestly, like anyone really close to me.

Rachel Casey (00:53:15):
I think that would be a really hard question to ask.

Colin Casey (00:53:17):
Yeah, because I lied to you.

Colin Casey (00:53:19):
You had asked me and it's like in my head,

Rachel Casey (00:53:21):
it's like you were worse than me to me because you had different drugs before we

Rachel Casey (00:53:26):
were together.

Rachel Casey (00:53:27):
So you were far

Rachel Casey (00:53:30):
I don't know.

Rachel Casey (00:53:30):
Anyway, sorry.

Rachel Casey (00:53:31):
But I didn't know if that was a hard hitting.

Paulina Pinsky (00:53:35):
I think I was so ready for someone to tell me the truth.

Rachel Casey (00:53:38):
Yeah.

Paulina Pinsky (00:53:40):
That I was just waiting for some, like, I was too afraid to ask myself that question.

Paulina Pinsky (00:53:47):
And I knew that he wasn't going to bullshit me.

Paulina Pinsky (00:53:49):
And I remember like after hours of talking and he was getting a master's in psychology.

Paulina Pinsky (00:53:53):
So he was like playing little like armchair psychologist.

Paulina Pinsky (00:53:56):
I remember I laid down on the couch and I was like, oh, can you get a blanket for me?

Paulina Pinsky (00:54:00):
I'm tired.

Paulina Pinsky (00:54:00):
And he was like, no, you can help yourself now is what he said to me.

Paulina Pinsky (00:54:04):
And at the time, I was like, fuck you.

Rachel Casey (00:54:07):
No.

Rachel Casey (00:54:08):
Hey, you can help yourself now.

Rachel Casey (00:54:11):
That's a good one.

Rachel Casey (00:54:12):
I need to write that down.

Rachel Casey (00:54:14):
Yeah, I was like, that's a really good one because that is where

Rachel Casey (00:54:19):
I didn't even know I could help myself anymore.

Rachel Casey (00:54:22):
And it's cool that we get to learn these types of things in recovery.

Rachel Casey (00:54:27):
It actually has nothing to do with the alcohol.

Rachel Casey (00:54:31):
It's or the weed or whatever it is.

Rachel Casey (00:54:34):
Yeah.

Rachel Casey (00:54:35):
And

Rachel Casey (00:54:36):
Man, I bet you also, though, felt like a load was off because I know I did.

Rachel Casey (00:54:41):
When it was exposed and out in the open,

Rachel Casey (00:54:45):
it felt like the biggest weight or my darkest secret had kind of been...

Rachel Casey (00:54:53):
not to you.

Rachel Casey (00:54:54):
Again, you were with me the whole time.

Rachel Casey (00:54:55):
But like to my parents, they said the exact same thing.

Rachel Casey (00:54:59):
They did not know maybe the extent they knew how bad it kind of was.

Rachel Casey (00:55:05):
And I remember like trying to I'm sorry.

Rachel Casey (00:55:07):
Yeah, I did.

Rachel Casey (00:55:09):
You're gonna hear it in the rooms.

Rachel Casey (00:55:11):
I used cocaine.

Rachel Casey (00:55:11):
And you're like, Rachel, we knew you weren't that, uh,

Colin Casey (00:55:20):
You talked a lot.

Colin Casey (00:55:21):
There's no going back.

Colin Casey (00:55:23):
Oh yeah.

Rachel Casey (00:55:24):
Yeah.

Rachel Casey (00:55:25):
We knew it,

Rachel Casey (00:55:26):
it was,

Rachel Casey (00:55:28):
um,

Rachel Casey (00:55:28):
and also the psychiatrist,

Rachel Casey (00:55:30):
if you're like tuning in,

Rachel Casey (00:55:32):
you're listening to this right now.

Rachel Casey (00:55:34):
Not all psychiatrists are the same.

Rachel Casey (00:55:36):
I've had bad ones and I've had a great one and yes, he's expensive.

Rachel Casey (00:55:40):
And I tell Colin, I go, he is my non-negotiable doctor and he is

Rachel Casey (00:55:48):
He's great.

Colin Casey (00:55:48):
He also works with you very well.

Rachel Casey (00:55:50):
He got me sober.

Rachel Casey (00:55:51):
Honestly, he put me on now without me knowing.

Rachel Casey (00:55:54):
He said, if you're being honest about your drinking, this won't be a problem.

Rachel Casey (00:56:00):
And I struggled taking that damn pill because I took it and I couldn't feel shit.

Rachel Casey (00:56:07):
I could only feel me.

Rachel Casey (00:56:08):
And I was like, so I would just not take the pill, take the pill, which also makes you sick.

Rachel Casey (00:56:15):
and yeah you know he was like okay if you're being an honest person well let's try

Rachel Casey (00:56:22):
this drug out and that really did help me come to the realization i had a problem

Rachel Casey (00:56:28):
with alcohol like most people don't struggle to take a medicine that would make you

Rachel Casey (00:56:34):
drink like a normal or feel like a normal person um and also again you're not

Rachel Casey (00:56:40):
supposed to do any drugs he's like if you're being honest about your drug intake

Rachel Casey (00:56:45):
So then the paranoia sets in smoking weed with it.

Rachel Casey (00:56:49):
And I'm like,

Rachel Casey (00:56:50):
now all these secrets are like the same as kind of what you said when you're like told,

Rachel Casey (00:56:57):
okay,

Rachel Casey (00:56:58):
you know,

Rachel Casey (00:56:58):
don't mix this with drugs.

Rachel Casey (00:57:00):
And you're like, wow, I didn't realize how much and how often I want a drug.

Rachel Casey (00:57:05):
And now you're scared to take it.

Rachel Casey (00:57:07):
Now it's not reacting the same.

Rachel Casey (00:57:08):
It's making you more because you're like, I'm going to die at any second.

Paulina Pinsky (00:57:12):
i i love that your psychiatrist is like if you're being honest like just that

Paulina Pinsky (00:57:17):
phrase right which is like everyone lies to their doctor um but it's most

Paulina Pinsky (00:57:22):
psychiatrists do not understand the nature of addiction yeah most doctors don't and

Paulina Pinsky (00:57:29):
like i'm very fortunate that my dad really understands addiction like really like

Paulina Pinsky (00:57:35):
maybe better than i do you know like well you know no i think the perspective of

Rachel Casey (00:57:41):
someone who has had addiction will always be that's like someone saying that you

Rachel Casey (00:57:47):
know they studied giving birth and they deliver babies but until you give birth

Rachel Casey (00:57:52):
yourself or i can't even say i didn't have a c-section i have no idea what that

Rachel Casey (00:57:56):
experience feels like i can textbook read it i can imagine but like addiction

Rachel Casey (00:58:02):
that's why it's like

Rachel Casey (00:58:04):
addiction to addiction speaks so well.

Rachel Casey (00:58:06):
No,

Rachel Casey (00:58:06):
I'm not saying obviously there are people that are very,

Rachel Casey (00:58:08):
very good at understanding the complexities,

Rachel Casey (00:58:12):
but it's the internal feeling is really hard to convey unless you've been through it.

Paulina Pinsky (00:58:19):
Of course.

Paulina Pinsky (00:58:19):
And that's the beauty of recovery communities is like,

Paulina Pinsky (00:58:23):
we get it,

Paulina Pinsky (00:58:24):
you know,

Paulina Pinsky (00:58:24):
and it's like being on the other side of it and understand like today someone was like,

Paulina Pinsky (00:58:30):
I've only done two things good in my life.

Paulina Pinsky (00:58:33):
I haven't had a drink in 44 years.

Paulina Pinsky (00:58:35):
And I've been married for 55.

Paulina Pinsky (00:58:37):
And I was like, holy smokes.

Paulina Pinsky (00:58:40):
Like, I have no idea what either of those things are like.

Paulina Pinsky (00:58:44):
You know what I mean?

Paulina Pinsky (00:58:45):
But, like, I hope to one day.

Paulina Pinsky (00:58:47):
Like, Sue knows what it's like to drink too much.

Colin Casey (00:58:50):
You know?

Paulina Pinsky (00:58:50):
Like,

Paulina Pinsky (00:58:50):
they,

Paulina Pinsky (00:58:52):
like,

Paulina Pinsky (00:58:52):
I,

Paulina Pinsky (00:58:52):
it's,

Paulina Pinsky (00:58:55):
I mean,

Paulina Pinsky (00:58:55):
that's the beauty of recovery is finding other people who are like,

Paulina Pinsky (00:58:58):
I know.

Paulina Pinsky (00:59:00):
Like, I know what that's like.

Paulina Pinsky (00:59:02):
And also like, think, and I use the word God a lot.

Paulina Pinsky (00:59:06):
I pray to Elvis.

Paulina Pinsky (00:59:07):
So like when I'm not thinking about a man in the sky,

Rachel Casey (00:59:09):
I'm thinking about like- My grandma kissed him when she was in Vegas back in the,

Rachel Casey (00:59:14):
when she,

Colin Casey (00:59:14):
in the 60s,

Colin Casey (00:59:17):
70s?

Rachel Casey (00:59:17):
Yeah, she saw him outside.

Rachel Casey (00:59:19):
And I, one of the things I have of hers is a whole pack of Elvis, like stamps and stuff.

Rachel Casey (00:59:25):
It's like, it is nothing that fancy, but I was like, she always talked about how she met Elvis.

Rachel Casey (00:59:30):
She also told me all the famous people she met at meetings.

Rachel Casey (00:59:33):
And I'm like,

Rachel Casey (00:59:33):
Grandma,

Rachel Casey (00:59:34):
I don't think you're supposed to say that because like,

Rachel Casey (00:59:39):
man,

Rachel Casey (00:59:40):
she,

Rachel Casey (00:59:41):
I'm telling you.

Rachel Casey (00:59:42):
That's L-A-A-A.

Rachel Casey (00:59:43):
It doesn't, you can tell anybody.

Rachel Casey (00:59:46):
Palm Springs is.

Rachel Casey (00:59:47):
She's like the gays and the grays.

Rachel Casey (00:59:49):
That's where we are with the gays and the grays.

Rachel Casey (00:59:52):
Well, I love Palm Springs too.

Rachel Casey (00:59:54):
And I,

Rachel Casey (00:59:55):
again,

Rachel Casey (00:59:55):
it's now that she's not there,

Rachel Casey (00:59:57):
I mean,

Rachel Casey (00:59:57):
I don't,

Rachel Casey (00:59:58):
I guess we could go travel vacation out there,

Rachel Casey (01:00:00):
but it,

Rachel Casey (01:00:02):
uh,

Rachel Casey (01:00:02):
it sucks that I miss her.

Rachel Casey (01:00:04):
She was, uh, 26 years sober, you know, so she died and she was active, active in the community.

Rachel Casey (01:00:13):
Um, and she again was a therapist.

Rachel Casey (01:00:15):
She graduated from, um, USC.

Rachel Casey (01:00:19):
and got her master's in social work.

Rachel Casey (01:00:22):
So that's so cool.

Rachel Casey (01:00:24):
That was amazing.

Paulina Pinsky (01:00:27):
Yeah.

Rachel Casey (01:00:27):
I mean,

Rachel Casey (01:00:27):
that's,

Paulina Pinsky (01:00:28):
I think that's the beauty is like,

Paulina Pinsky (01:00:29):
you find all these people who have like insane life experiences,

Paulina Pinsky (01:00:32):
but can tell you in a way that's like,

Paulina Pinsky (01:00:35):
you know,

Paulina Pinsky (01:00:36):
grounded.

Paulina Pinsky (01:00:37):
It's a gift.

Paulina Pinsky (01:00:38):
It's totally a gift because not, I, you know, as I'm like reliving this,

Paulina Pinsky (01:00:45):
You know,

Paulina Pinsky (01:00:45):
I'm thankful for the opportunity to tell the story at my bottom because I think,

Paulina Pinsky (01:00:49):
you know,

Paulina Pinsky (01:00:50):
when my first 90 days,

Paulina Pinsky (01:00:52):
I was like,

Paulina Pinsky (01:00:53):
I'm never going to do a bad thing again.

Paulina Pinsky (01:00:55):
I'm a different person.

Paulina Pinsky (01:00:55):
This is a new life.

Paulina Pinsky (01:00:56):
And like, it really became that way, you know, but also like now I'm like, I'm myself again.

Paulina Pinsky (01:01:01):
I'm like, damn.

Paulina Pinsky (01:01:03):
look at all these defects um man i feel that so much but you know i think those

Paulina Pinsky (01:01:11):
first 90 days are really magical because it is a new way of life and like once

Paulina Pinsky (01:01:17):
you've hit that bottom like

Paulina Pinsky (01:01:20):
it like i was psychically different like my moment of clarity opened this sense of

Paulina Pinsky (01:01:24):
clarity that i have never had like when i was 19 i had my first bottom which was an

Paulina Pinsky (01:01:30):
eating disorder bottom bottom and like that's when i was like oh i need to go to

Paulina Pinsky (01:01:33):
therapy and not make myself vomit anymore and this was like like that times

Rachel Casey (01:01:37):
infinity

Rachel Casey (01:01:39):
I was a huge binge eater.

Rachel Casey (01:01:42):
That's why I started seeing the psychiatrist.

Rachel Casey (01:01:43):
It wasn't for drinking.

Rachel Casey (01:01:44):
It was for binge eating.

Rachel Casey (01:01:46):
Eating, cutting, using.

Paulina Pinsky (01:01:48):
That's the trifecta.

Paulina Pinsky (01:01:49):
Eating, cutting, using.

Paulina Pinsky (01:01:50):
You got one, you're probably going to use the others.

Rachel Casey (01:01:55):
Yeah.

Rachel Casey (01:01:56):
I was like, yeah.

Rachel Casey (01:01:58):
We're good.

Paulina Pinsky (01:01:58):
But, you know, like, I think that once you get it, those first 90 days really are magic.

Paulina Pinsky (01:02:04):
And like, I mean, newly sober is born of that time, you know?

Paulina Pinsky (01:02:08):
And like,

Paulina Pinsky (01:02:09):
sometimes I like,

Paulina Pinsky (01:02:10):
I'm wistful about my first year sober because I was so,

Paulina Pinsky (01:02:13):
yeah,

Paulina Pinsky (01:02:13):
I was totally like,

Paulina Pinsky (01:02:16):
I mean,

Paulina Pinsky (01:02:16):
I did so much dumb shit,

Paulina Pinsky (01:02:18):
you know,

Paulina Pinsky (01:02:18):
but also like,

Paulina Pinsky (01:02:20):
I also was awake for the first time in 30,

Paulina Pinsky (01:02:23):
29 years.

Paulina Pinsky (01:02:23):
And,

Paulina Pinsky (01:02:28):
you know, remembering getting sober three days before Christmas, very intense.

Paulina Pinsky (01:02:36):
I wouldn't recommend, but also if you're in that scenario, you don't necessarily have a choice.

Paulina Pinsky (01:02:41):
You know, it's just like, this is the cards that were dealt and this is how it played out.

Paulina Pinsky (01:02:46):
And I will say that having a sober date so close to Christmas is actually like,

Paulina Pinsky (01:02:51):
like every year it's like,

Paulina Pinsky (01:02:52):
I get kind of weaselly around my,

Paulina Pinsky (01:02:55):
my everything.

Paulina Pinsky (01:02:56):
Like last year, I think it was more like,

Paulina Pinsky (01:02:59):
like solemn and like morose.

Paulina Pinsky (01:03:02):
And this year has been more like resentful and like psycho, like just like rumination.

Paulina Pinsky (01:03:08):
But by the time I get to my sobered birthday,

Paulina Pinsky (01:03:12):
there's this profound sense of magic of just whole,

Paulina Pinsky (01:03:17):
it was so bad.

Paulina Pinsky (01:03:20):
that I could not continue and I still have abided by that choice you know it's like

Paulina Pinsky (01:03:26):
the magic of Christmas can actually be this supplement to sobriety where it's just

Paulina Pinsky (01:03:31):
like I get to feel all of this you know I know there's moments I can feel like I

Rachel Casey (01:03:38):
can pause a little bit more like I wasn't able to do before I was sober and like if

Rachel Casey (01:03:44):
a moment of like my niece of something opening a present like I can like

Rachel Casey (01:03:50):
be in the moment.

Rachel Casey (01:03:51):
And that was something I could never do before.

Rachel Casey (01:03:53):
I couldn't,

Rachel Casey (01:03:54):
I could watch,

Rachel Casey (01:03:55):
but it would be like a,

Rachel Casey (01:03:58):
like a filter in front,

Rachel Casey (01:03:59):
you know,

Rachel Casey (01:04:00):
like I'm there,

Rachel Casey (01:04:01):
but I,

Rachel Casey (01:04:01):
I don't,

Rachel Casey (01:04:03):
I can't like,

Rachel Casey (01:04:03):
it's almost just hyper-focused on a moment.

Rachel Casey (01:04:07):
And I'm like, I'm recording this right now.

Rachel Casey (01:04:09):
And I can actually remember it because when I drank,

Rachel Casey (01:04:12):
I thought I was good,

Rachel Casey (01:04:14):
but the next day I'd be like,

Rachel Casey (01:04:17):
what did we did we get the presents did we bring them did we forget them again

Rachel Casey (01:04:22):
because we forgot them a couple times like you know and um that's not i i just

Rachel Casey (01:04:28):
remember that with evan's first maybe not even his first i think the first one

Rachel Casey (01:04:33):
sober is hard it was probably the next one um i think by new year's we were a

Rachel Casey (01:04:38):
little more

Rachel Casey (01:04:40):
leveled how was your new year's because that was kind of a hard one for us yeah and

Paulina Pinsky (01:04:46):
then we had yeah you know it was hard or oh i was in my parents house i had just

Paulina Pinsky (01:04:54):
ended my engagement i was probably 12 days sober and i was watching the ball drop

Paulina Pinsky (01:05:01):
um on cnn and i was like oh i was supposed to be in new york having my final hurrah

Paulina Pinsky (01:05:08):
before we did dry january

Paulina Pinsky (01:05:11):
And I cried so hard I threw up in my mouth.

Paulina Pinsky (01:05:16):
And then I called my dad and he was like, this is an outsized reaction.

Paulina Pinsky (01:05:21):
That was his big thing was like, you need to be right sized.

Paulina Pinsky (01:05:24):
Like my whole first year was like him being like, you need to work towards being right sized.

Paulina Pinsky (01:05:28):
which at the time I was like,

Paulina Pinsky (01:05:29):
you know,

Paulina Pinsky (01:05:30):
but now I'm like,

Paulina Pinsky (01:05:30):
that's actually like a good goal for someone who's crying so hard and threw up in

Rachel Casey (01:05:35):
their mouth.

Rachel Casey (01:05:37):
I've done some crazy things and I, and I have been in that psychosis you've talked about.

Rachel Casey (01:05:43):
So, I mean, and it was like a bad medication or coming off of,

Rachel Casey (01:05:49):
which is why I'm terrified of like not getting my, cause I'm still on mood.

Rachel Casey (01:05:54):
I'm on a ton of stuff now with autoimmune,

Rachel Casey (01:05:57):
but man,

Rachel Casey (01:06:00):
I know,

Rachel Casey (01:06:01):
is there any,

Rachel Casey (01:06:03):
so for like what's coming up,

Rachel Casey (01:06:05):
number one,

Rachel Casey (01:06:06):
I know you talked about the artist's way 2025,

Rachel Casey (01:06:08):
but as far as you're writing too,

Rachel Casey (01:06:11):
to help people that are newly sober,

Rachel Casey (01:06:14):
do you plan on,

Rachel Casey (01:06:17):
What is your schedule plan of kind of release?

Rachel Casey (01:06:19):
Are you doing things on about Christmas coming up?

Rachel Casey (01:06:23):
Are you doing any dry January?

Rachel Casey (01:06:25):
I can't believe that one of the SEO words right now, because I looked some up, is dry January.

Rachel Casey (01:06:31):
Dry January 25.

Rachel Casey (01:06:32):
And I'm thinking what you just said.

Rachel Casey (01:06:34):
Oh, yeah.

Rachel Casey (01:06:34):
People plan it because they're like, I'm miserable.

Rachel Casey (01:06:38):
I'm going to...

Rachel Casey (01:06:39):
yeah and i was it kind of made me sad and it kind of made me feel i was like i

Rachel Casey (01:06:45):
remember when that was me i remember when i was like sober october's coming up new

Rachel Casey (01:06:51):
gotta get ready what did i used to say new year new me and then it turned into new

Rachel Casey (01:06:55):
year same bitch and like and that was what i used i'm like yep sorry i thought it

Rachel Casey (01:07:02):
was a new me same bitch showed up and i'm another drink in my hand and

Rachel Casey (01:07:06):
Um, I feel that I do too.

Rachel Casey (01:07:09):
I do too.

Rachel Casey (01:07:10):
I mean, I know.

Rachel Casey (01:07:11):
So I didn't know if this is a good way to talk about what's coming up.

Paulina Pinsky (01:07:18):
I haven't planned anything.

Paulina Pinsky (01:07:20):
But actually,

Paulina Pinsky (01:07:20):
I would now you're inspiring me to do because I so I write both essays on newly

Paulina Pinsky (01:07:26):
sober and how to guides.

Paulina Pinsky (01:07:28):
So I have written a how to guide for January.

Paulina Pinsky (01:07:31):
I haven't done one for Christmas, which would be interesting.

Paulina Pinsky (01:07:35):
My every year that I have a sober anniversary, I interview my dad about my sobriety.

Paulina Pinsky (01:07:40):
So that will be coming.

Paulina Pinsky (01:07:40):
That's amazing.

Paulina Pinsky (01:07:42):
Yeah.

Paulina Pinsky (01:07:43):
And I'm actually in the process of developing a new newsletter.

Paulina Pinsky (01:07:48):
um about creativity um not you're a creative writer yeah and um i lead people

Paulina Pinsky (01:07:55):
through the artist's way which i'll be doing in january so if anybody's interested

Paulina Pinsky (01:07:58):
i'd be honored to have anyone or everyone um

Paulina Pinsky (01:08:02):
but i'll put a link in the bio for that yes thank you yeah i i you know newly sober

Paulina Pinsky (01:08:08):
has been like it kept me sober my first year like i was writing it weekly you know

Paulina Pinsky (01:08:14):
i was really dedicated to documenting my own experience of early sobriety and um

Paulina Pinsky (01:08:20):
now i'm like i'm like oh my god no so it all is behind a paywall after like two

Paulina Pinsky (01:08:25):
weeks my newsletters go behind a paywall just because it's vulnerable it's very

Paulina Pinsky (01:08:30):
vulnerable it's like

Paulina Pinsky (01:08:31):
it's,

Paulina Pinsky (01:08:32):
it's like if I took your middle school diary and put it on Substack,

Paulina Pinsky (01:08:35):
you know,

Paulina Pinsky (01:08:35):
it's like,

Paulina Pinsky (01:08:35):
I know I,

Paulina Pinsky (01:08:36):
there needs to be a transaction.

Paulina Pinsky (01:08:38):
So for folks who are newly sober,

Paulina Pinsky (01:08:41):
it's only five bucks,

Paulina Pinsky (01:08:42):
you know,

Paulina Pinsky (01:08:42):
and you can read as much as you want.

Paulina Pinsky (01:08:45):
And maybe I'll do a guide to Christmas.

Paulina Pinsky (01:08:47):
Yeah.

Rachel Casey (01:08:48):
I think that that's awesome.

Rachel Casey (01:08:49):
And I just thank you for your time.

Rachel Casey (01:08:51):
Like, of course, honestly, I'm so glad we connected on Substack.

Colin Casey (01:08:55):
Yeah, this has been really fun.

Rachel Casey (01:08:58):
And this is something,

Rachel Casey (01:08:59):
again,

Rachel Casey (01:09:00):
bringing something new that we hadn't discussed as much as,

Rachel Casey (01:09:03):
you know,

Rachel Casey (01:09:03):
the other substances out there.

Rachel Casey (01:09:05):
And the language of addiction is pretty fluent.

Rachel Casey (01:09:08):
But it's if you if you know, you know, that's probably should be the time.

Paulina Pinsky (01:09:14):
Yeah, you know, you know, no, if you know, you know.

Paulina Pinsky (01:09:18):
and thank you for having me for real and no yeah i mean part of it is like and you

Paulina Pinsky (01:09:23):
know we can say this because we're on the other side of it but breaking through

Paulina Pinsky (01:09:26):
people's denial is not easy

Paulina Pinsky (01:09:29):
And I think that's part of the problem is that,

Paulina Pinsky (01:09:32):
you know,

Paulina Pinsky (01:09:33):
people are active in this addiction and the language and the culture supports it.

Paulina Pinsky (01:09:37):
And I know, you know, it's like, you can't convince me other, like you heard my story.

Paulina Pinsky (01:09:45):
I played it to the logical end, you know, like I took it to a math degree.

Rachel Casey (01:09:50):
I tried, you know, and it takes us longer to hit our bottoms that way, you know, and

Rachel Casey (01:09:57):
I'm telling you, you can do it on your own now.

Rachel Casey (01:10:01):
It's going to be good.

Rachel Casey (01:10:02):
That line that you said, that's such a great way to look at things.

Rachel Casey (01:10:09):
You can go do it now.

Rachel Casey (01:10:11):
You have the power.

Rachel Casey (01:10:11):
You got the power back.

Rachel Casey (01:10:13):
I wrote that down.

Paulina Pinsky (01:10:14):
That is a really good title.

Rachel Casey (01:10:16):
Hey, listen, it's all yours.

Rachel Casey (01:10:18):
It's all yours.

Colin Casey (01:10:19):
I'm actually going to use it when I talk to Evan to go pick up his toys.

Colin Casey (01:10:23):
I'm like, you can go do it now.

Rachel Casey (01:10:25):
Everything will be in the show notes again.

Rachel Casey (01:10:27):
Holly, thank you so much.

Rachel Casey (01:10:28):
And I still am terrible at ending.

Rachel Casey (01:10:30):
I'm going to hit and record, but it's going to need to process for just a few minutes.

Rachel Casey (01:10:34):
So give me one second.

Rachel Casey (01:10:37):
Thank you for having me.